On it's way....
Day 43 1 Samuel 20:25-32; Genesis 4:3-11; and James 1:19-20
Rage. Hatred. Resentment. Revenge. Fury. Wrath. Bitterness. Detest. Rampage. Shame. Raving. Temper. Grudges. Jealousy. Malice. Outrage. Disgust. Pretty intense words, huh? Emotions that are pretty consuming, too. Do you recognize any of those words? Do you remember feeling that way in recent months? Maybe you don’t have to go back months…..maybe this morning, or a few minutes ago. I suspect a high percentage of us who have experienced divorce have faced most of these emotions at some point in the process. Especially if there are particularly difficult circumstances to deal with, such as having been abused (or children who were abused), an ex who was viciously vindictive in the divorce, if you are the victim of an adulterer, if you were left financially devastated or abandoned at an extremely awkward time such as when expecting a baby. I bet these don’t even scratch the surface.
I want to offer a few thoughts to you in regard to these emotions. It isn’t surprising that you may have felt any or all of these at some point in your divorce. I know…I felt many of them, myself. Because divorce literally shatters so much of our lives, and hits us at the core in a very extreme way. It makes sense that extreme emotions would arise under those conditions. What doesn’t make sense is to let those emotions begin to take over your soul, or to continue to nurture them and end up trapped in their nasty clutches. Today’s scriptures include the story of two men whose lives went into ruin because they did just that, they allowed these powerful emotions to take control of their hearts and their choices as they expressed them in impulsive and damaging action against others. Cain was so jealous of Abel, and so ashamed that his rage took over and he killed his brother, ending up cursed and rejected because of it. Saul’s jealousy and rage against David took over and the story of God’s first chosen king in Israel turned from victory into tragedy as his life spiraled further and further downward into depression and eventually death. Unfortunately, there is not an easy way out of these things.
Now that you are in the springtime of your divorce, these emotions may be subsiding, less frequent and starting to heal over. If not, then you may want to do some serious soul searching. Is where those emotions lead really the place you wish to go? If you allow their destructive nature to spit venom into your words and deeds, will that be the kind of example you wish to set for your children and friends? James warns us that our anger is not the kind of anger God has; it is about us, not about justice. Usually anger masks a deeper emotion, like being hurt, or feeling helpless and betrayed, or even being embarrassed and ashamed. There is a way out with God’s help and learning to forgive. It may require you to spend some time with your pastor or a professional counselor. It is common to experience these in the heat of divorce….but dangerous to let them follow you into the next stage of your life. I encourage you to be sure you have started doing the hard work of letting them go so you can find the peace of Christ to bring healing, serenity and self-control. It will be well worth it.