I bet you thought: where are parts 1-3 and what do you mean by a new day?
Today I'm sharing something a bit different. If you're into reading fan-fiction stories then keep reading. This post won't be for everyone who follows Forget-me-Not Cultivation and that's fine, you guys can go ahead and skip out on this one.
But for those who either read my fanfiction or enjoy reading something a bit different then this chapter is for you.
I usually post my fanfiction endeavours on Live Journal, but I get a bit fed up of their formatting shenanigans and layouts. So instead I thought why not go ahead and post a chapter on my own platform?
If you are interested in reading the previous chapters of this story please head over to Live Journal.Comments are gratefully received (I'm a writer which means I crave positive and negative feedback).
A great big thank you to my Beta - Roxanne, who notices all the foul spelling mistakes I make and puts them right before I hit publish.
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Jenny had spent the entire day doing nothing else but trying to get Emma out of her head. The more she tried to distract herself with work the more Emma's beautiful smile appeared to take shape in Jenny's mind. Questions began floating around Jenny's head. Why was Emma now straight?
Everything she'd ever known about Emma showed Jenny she was anything but straight. Why had she moved to Berlin? She'd always said to Jenny how much she loved her parents, even if they were slightly annoying at times. Why now did Jenny have to deal with all these memories of being 19 again flooding back at her.
Jenny had read the same stock investment proposal, in front of her, five times now and she still couldn't make head nor tail of it. She found herself staring out the office window that overlooked the busy streets of central Berlin. She wondered what Emma was doing at this moment in time? A knock on her door brought her back around to the present.
"Come in".
A young man, with a grey striped suit and short blonde hair, about the age of 21 put his head around the door.
"You have a meeting at 3pm. I thought you'd want to know your guests have arrived and waiting in reception". Jenny nodded. She needed to pull herself together.
"Thanks Lukas. Show them to the meeting room, I'll be there in a moment". Lukas nodded and closed the door again. Jenny looked again at the proposal once more and dropped it on her desk. It would have to wait. The meeting needed more urgent attention. She got up and put her fitted black jacket on.
Jenny remembered dressing as smart as possible in front of Emma back in college. She wanted to both impress Emma with her London style and simultaneously make her jealous. But the act only succeeded in Emma thinking she was stuck up. Jenny smiled at the memory. Emma was never interested in status. She had just loved Jenny because she was 'Jenny', easy going, determined and hopelessly in love with Emma. "God's sake Jenny, get a grip!"
Jenny walked up a flight of stairs and across two long corridors, towards the meeting room. Along the way she thought about her wife who was probably sitting at home not doing very much. Jenny realised that her own recent behaviour had been one of avoiding beckoning issues, rather than dealing with them. Especially between the two of them. Jenny never avoided anything but her wife seemed to be another matter. Still, that didn't mean Jenny had to push her away. They were after all married.
Veronika deserved a better explanation. Jenny needed to be more patient with Veronika. After all, her wife had her own issues to deal with too over the years and Jenny hadn't helped. The brunette had spent a good portion of her time at work functions without her wife. Instead of including Veronika, Jenny preferred working alone. As she arrived at the meeting room door Jenny took a deep breath to get into business mode and she also made a decision. Tonight was going to be about Veronika.
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Jenny pulled the car up in front of their home promptly at 6pm. Bottle of wine in one hand, and a colourful bunch of big flowers in the other. As she pushed the front door shut with her behind she wondered why the place sounded so quiet.
"Veronika?" No answer.
Jenny headed into the open kitchen and put the bottle and flowers on the breakfast table.
"Veronika?" The clock ticked on the wall but still no response.
Jenny headed upstairs and went into the bedroom. The bed was neatly made, everything was in its place but still something didn't feel right. She headed into the spare room. It was Veronika's art room.
The walls were adorned with various projects of dark acrylic art that showed themselves in various stages of completion. It was one of the reasons Jenny fell in love with Veronika. Her art was as good, if not better than any gallery exhibition in Berlin. The colours and textures were bold and varied but always dedicated in detail. Watching Veronika one day, working on a piece of her art was enough to fill Jenny with love. The way Veronika put her heart and soul into every stroke across the canvas, almost tearing it out of her body made Jenny wild with lust for her.
While that was the only reason Jenny had fallen for her wife, she had believed at the time it would be enough to build a loving relationship. Veronika's wild creative edge complimented Jenny's more competitive side. Jenny was always in awe of people who could be that creative. Her one time experience of being a child singing sensation had left her more than wary of all art forms. Veronika once again showed her why. The mood swings, the constant need for validation stifled Jenny's more independent behaviour. The redhead had a beauty which was represented in her own bodily form as well as that of her art. But her temper tantrums and the crying sessions which were also part of the artist was a drain on Jenny's positive, more optimistic outlook on life.
The house was still silent. Jenny headed into the bathroom and there she was confronted with a sight she had been dreading her entire married life. Veronika, slumped between the wall and the toilet was wearing nothing more than a tank top and pajama bottoms. An empty bottle of rum was on its side by the toilet. In Veronica's lap lay several empty boxes of prescription tablets. Jenny's heart went into her mouth at the sight in front of her. She threw herself onto the floor to reach Veronika and simultaneously reached in her pocket for her mobile and dialled for an ambulance.
"Veronika, please wake up!". Jenny pushed the hair out of the redhead's eyes and felt for a pulse.
"Come on Veronica. Why did you do this?!" Jenny felt herself losing control as she shouted down the phone for an ambulance to get to the house as quickly as possible. With the call made Jenny pulled Veronika towards her rubbing her back and pulling her into an embrace. "You didn't have to do this." Veronika's unconscious body was limp in Jenny's arms. The brunette found herself holding her wife tight as possible, stroking her head and whispering in the red hair that she'd be okay.
A bit later, Jenny was roused from her wife as she heard banging on the door over and over again from downstairs. Leaving her wife's side she ran downstairs to let the paramedics in, shouting to them, they needed to get upstairs quickly.
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The following morning Veronika sat up in the hospital bed. In a private stark room she was eyeing Jenny carefully, who was sitting at the side of her bed. The brunette was leaning over in a chair holding her head in her hands. Her face, stained with mascara and eyes that looked sore. After rubbing her head she sat up and looked back at Veronika. It was the first time since being in the hospital Veronika felt able to sit up and talk.
"I'm sorry".
Of all the things Veronika expected Jenny to say it wasn't that. She was lost for words as Jenny got up and paced towards the top of the bed. "I haven't been the best, most supportive wife to you and I'm sorry".
"Jenny, I..." But what could she say? Wasn't that the reason she took the pills because she was feeling unloved? Feeling depressed because Jenny hadn't given her any attention? She felt herself getting annoyed. In part because she wanted to blame Jenny for being defiant and yet Jenny wasn't, and because of that the redhead didn't know what to say back.
Jenny looked at her wife. Veronika looked so pale without her makeup on. Her red hair limp around her face, her arms resting in front of her body and her eyes looked incredibly sad. "I have to stop hurting you and I will, I just need to get a few things worked out. I'll cut down my hours, we can go on holiday, get out of Berlin. Spend more time together"
"Jenny stop!" Her raised voice was enough to stop Jenny talking and pacing.
"This is as much about me as it is you. I shouldn't have taken those pills but I did. I don't know how I feel right now about us but I think it's been a wake up call don't you?"
Jenny looked back confused, "yes but I..."
"Are we happy Jenny, can you answer that question?"
The room filled with a heavy silence and Jenny sat on the side of the bed. "We can work through this Veronika, I know we can".
"You didn't answer the question"
"But I..."
"Jenny!" The redhead looked away from Jenny.
"I'm not explaining myself properly. We need to work through this Veronika, I'm not giving up on us just because I work too much"
Veronica shook her head and smiled at the irony of this conversation. It was the one she'd so desperately wanted to hear and now the words weren't sounding as good as she'd hoped.
"No Jenny. Work was just one issue, the other is your inability to share yourself with me completely. We've spent years floundering about, giving compliments, having a laugh, hell even having great sex at times, but it was just that. In the whole eight years we've been together I've never actually felt I was your equal Jenny, just merely your convenience and at best a friend you could share some, but not all, your problems with."
Jenny started to protest but Veronika pulled herself up and then raised her hand to stop any more words coming from the brunette. She wasn't done yet.
"Don't get me wrong, I've used you in the same vain. I liked the attention, needed your validation but in the end it was fake attention. You're good at giving it and I'm good at receiving it but lately I thought we'd just settle down together. Instead you avoided me and I got jealous. How's that for a relationship?"
Jenny audibly sighed. "What do you want me to do?"
"See, you again!" Veronika threw her hands up in frustration. "This isn't about just you. Why don't you ask me what I want?"
"Veronika, that's not fair" Jenny's voice was barely a whisper and her eyes began to fill up with tears. "I've asked you so many times what you wanted to do and you gave me vague answers. I suggested we move, or have children..."
"Jenny for godsake. Are either of us in a position to have kids, really?"
"But we used to talk about starting a family?"
"Yes talk, talk talk talk!" Veronika was getting agitated. Her voice was getting loud and she was not getting through to Jenny. "Look, I'll be out of here in about another hour. Can you just go to work or something? I'm fine, honestly, but I need some time to think Jenny."
Jenny nodded she felt almost elated at not having to continue with this conversation. She knew exactly what Veronika was saying but didn't want to admit it to her. As usual work was the perfect getaway and she was taking the escape route. "Okay. Okay we'll leave this until later but I want to discuss it I do..." she sighed, "I do but you need some rest. If you need me I'll come back". Veronika looked peeved but nodded in agreement. She knew Jenny would do anything to avoid her discussing the issues they had. The redhead realised that for the first time in eight years she was dealing with a child. No amount of shouting would work, instead Veronika had to let Jenny go. There would be a better way to show her wife how she felt and she'd show her as soon as she got home.
Jenny, back at work, soon got caught up in meetings and phone conversations. She had made a stop at home after being at the hospital. Made herself presentable again and headed back into the city. The house had been too large and empty without Veronika. As exhausted as Jenny felt she'd been unable to relax at home and after just a 20 minute nap, headed back to work.
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Jenny didn't need any persuasion to shut her computer down at 5pm. This time, as she opened the front door to their home she was greeted with a very different sight to the one she'd received the night before.
Veronika stood by the door, suitcase by her side putting her coat on. She looked as if she'd been caught in a naughty act when Jenny looked toward her wife with surprise.
"What's all this?" Jenny looked towards the large suitcase, then up at Veronika, her first thought being that perhaps they were going on holiday.
"I'm leaving you" And the redhead began moving towards the door. "I didn't expect you to be home so early".
Jenny looked perplexed. "What, you'd just leave? Without saying good bye?"
"Don't look so shocked Jenny. I was trying to prevent any unnecessary awkwardness. You don't need me to explain this do you?"
Jenny put her hand up against the door to prevent it being opened. "Yes actually, yes I do. Why are you leaving me? Why now?"
Veronika pulled back and chuckled at Jenny's annoyance. "Because we're not in love with each other. Because we're not good for each other and because I don't need your support any more Jenny. Are they enough reasons for you?"
The brunette let her hand drop from the door. So this was it. The end of their marriage, the end of what Jenny had called a relationship for so long. Jenny looked seriously at the slim woman in front of her, who looked extremely determined and ready to go. And Jenny wondered, was she ready to give up Veronika, her home and five years of marriage just like that?
To be continued...
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Cover photo courtesy of Fredrik Rubensson