A condolence message is a way of expressing your sympathy to a member of family or friends after they have experienced the death of a loved one. By sending this message will let them know that you are thinking of them during their difficult and emotional time, which can offer a sense of comfort especially if they are in the process of making funeral arrangements.
Sending a condolence message can be the opportunity to offer your help and support together with sharing happy memories of their loved one.
How to Get Started with Writing a Condolence Message
If you are not used to writing about sensitive and compassionate topics, then you may find it difficult to write a condolence message. If you are unsure of what to say then try and draft a few different versions with a pen and paper. There isn’t a set structure of what should be included in a condolence letter but here is a guide to help you get started if you are unsure.
- Begin the Message with Dear…
If you are writing the condolence message to a family, then include the names of every member.
- Begin the Message by Offering Your Condolences
You can phrase this part in any way that you deem suitable, but this is where you tell them that you are sorry for their loss. If you are unsure about how to word this, you could say “I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother” or “I was deeply saddened to hear about your recent loss”.
- Mention Some of the Best Qualities That Their Loved One Possessed
Talking about some the best qualities that their loved one possessed will bring the grieving one’s comfort by knowing that you appreciated and loved them. Again, there isn’t any set way to phrase this but you could say something like “I will deeply miss your mother’s unique sense of humor and her laugh – she was always the life and soul of any party that we went to together” or “Your mother was so polite and friendly and was willing to help anyone that needed it”. If you didn’t actually know the loved one personally or that well then you could cast upon what other people have said to you about them.
- Share a Story That Yourself and Their Loved One Shared
Sharing stories can be a lovely way to comfort a grieving family. Don’t be afraid to share a story with them. They may not have even heard about it before. This could be anything from remembering back to the first day that you met them or just a great day that you shared together that you will never forget.
- Offer Additional Help if You Can
If you can offer the family additional help, then you can mention this in the condolence message. For example, you might be able to assist with the funeral arrangements, funeral service or funeral costs. Or, you may like to briefly say “If you ever need to talk about anything then I am always here”.
- You May Want to Mention the Funeral If It Hasn’t Taken Place Yet
If your condolence message is going to reach the family before the funeral service takes place, then you might want to confirm whether you are going to attend it or not. If you are writing and sending the message after the funeral service, then you could mention how much of fitting ceremony it was. Additionally, if you are writing and sending the message after the funeral service but couldn’t attend the service, then you could say “please accept my sincere apologies for not being able to attend the funeral service”.
- Finish the Condolence Message with An Appropriate Sign Off
If you are close with the bereaving family, then you could end the condolence message with “all my love” or loads of love”. If you don’t consider yourself to be close enough to the family, then you could sign off with “with sympathy”.
Important Points to Acknowledge When Writing a Condolence Message
- Unless you are very close with the grieving family, then do not include humorous stories or jokes in your condolence message. It can often be hard to put a tone of voice to paper this can sometimes be misread as uncaring.
- Don’t be afraid to express your feelings in the condolence message. Its okay to say how shocked you were to hear of their loved ones passing or saying how much you will miss them.
Never say things like “it happens to everyone”, “I know how this feels” or “everything happens for a reason”. This can be very hurtful for the family to read even if you had good intentions for including it.
Remember that this guide just provides you with some advice on how to write a condolence message. Ultimately, the unique nature of your personality and your relationship with the family and their loved one will determine what you write. So, you can use all or some of the above components in your message. Write your message in your own voice just like you would if you were to talk to the person or family in person. You don’t need to be fancy or use complex language. The most important thing is that you write with compassion that comes from the heart.
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