When we first had Aggie, she was definitely not ‘Top Chicken’. Winnie was bigger and burlier, and showed this by continually pulling out Aggie’s feathers…. unless of course Aggie was a self-harming chicken, but that’s a completely different discussion.
Anyway, to stop the continual disappearance of feathers, I decided to make Aggie a dress. I measured her up, drew out a pattern and bought some lovely seersucker fabric in a pale green design.
The frock was basically a tabbard with velcro strips at the side. I told myself that if it was a success, Aggie would soon be having a whole wardrobe of lovelyness, and that I would be off to Dragon’s Den to amaze them with my new all-occasion chicken outfits.
Aggie's new frock... one of the silliest inventions known to man
With the dress complete, I whipped Aggie out of the run and wrestled her into it. Fastening the velcro ties securely, I set her onto the lawn to test run my new creation. Disaster struck…
I had completely overlooked the small fact that chickens don’t actually have a waist, and that the velcro ties actually went across the biggest part of her legs… meaning that she caught her legs in the dress every time she moved and it made her walk like John Cleese in Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks. I then had to chase her around the garden to get the dress off – all the time she was getting faster, and it has to be said, sillier…
And the moral of this story? Chickens weren’t supposed to wear clothes…