You’ve seen this graphic before. It started as a high schooler’s Pinterest caption on this amazing ice skating rink proposal (arguably one of the first ninja photographer captured proposals.) It has since proliferated on Tumblr and now Instagram. And it’s terrible.
6 “rules?” Call me a rebel, but you already know I’m not one for rules when it comes to engagement rings and wedding planning. Go shopping for the ring together. Say yes if he proposes without a ring. Get him a ring if that’s your jam! When it comes to engagement rings, and the logically ensuing weddings, the only rule you should follow is “do what works for you two.” That’s it.
So when I see things like these 6 rules, I typically just roll my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, you do you and I’ll be over here, debating the finer points of halo engagement rings. But eventually, enough eye rolling can lead to a strain and that, that can….escalate. So here’s my diatribe against the 6 rules.
1. Ask for my parents blessing
Maybe there aren’t really parents in the picture. Maybe there’s some tension in the parent/child relationship. Maybe there are more parents than just Mom and Dad involved – and the order in which you beg their blessing is of grave importance. Proposals, and marriage, are about family. Of course it’s a wonderful gesture of how much you respect them to ask for their blessing (and not your intended’s hand….like you’re trading her for a parcel of farmland.) And in many family situations, this is a wonderful conversation the parents have looked forward to since you first impressed them at thanksgiving dinner all those years ago. But sometimes it’s not. Sometimes Mom should be surprised. Sometimes Dad isn’t the go-to guy (which, let’s be honest, you’d probably already know to skip to Grandpa or Uncle Steve if you’re ready to propose.) But sometimes you just won’t get that blessing, and then what? Didn’t stop the dude from Magic. I just can’t get behind this “rule.”
2. Make it a Complete Surprise
Are you proposing on the second date? Don’t do that, but really that’s the only way to entirely guarantee a surprise. If you haven’t talked about the future of your relationship, day dreamed about the future, or at the very least discovered each other’s respective middle names and favorite pizza toppings, it may not be time to pop the question. And once you’ve reached a certain point in the relationship, and you know that you’re both progressing toward marriage, well, it won’t be a complete surprise. And that’s ok. Some brides hate surprises. maybe she’s had her dream ring picked out for a decade – don’t surprise her with one she didn’t see coming. Surprise her if (say it with me) you think it works for your relationship.
3. Use My Full Name
99.9% of Proposers, no matter how hard they rehearsed, end up winging it. So practice saying his or her full name in the mirror as many times as you need to, but she won’t remember what you say, and neither will you. Seems like a trivial reason to run down a dreamy proposal.
4. Get Down on One Knee
Or don’t. It’s just not that important to some people. Again, it’s YOUR proposal.
5. Have someone catch it on camera
Ask your 93 year old grandma and 95 year old grandpa, who still hold hands and split milkshakes, who their proposal photographer was. If you have a friend, family member or fraternity brother who can help you out and be your ninja photographer, go for it (here’s why.) Otherwise? Don’t sweat it.
6. Make sure my nails are done
Well this one just blatantly competes with number 2! If you suspect a proposal is coming, you will have your nails done. Or you’ll do what I did and have them done for every impending proposal scenario for a full year, then when your husband proposes on a random Thursday, just rock 3 weeks of nailbed growth on your shellac. Promise you won’t be able to take your eyes off your new ring long enough to even notice.
The bottom line? Propose how you want to, in a way that’s meaningful to you and your relationship. That’s the only rule that matters – all the other things will fade away in the happy glow of “YES!”