So...thanks for reading (and inspiring me to write) my 5 things not to say!
This is not meant to offend anyone!!! This is a glimpse at my world (not all autistic parents feel the way I do nor to I claim to represent autism parents in general) and it is honest, so it may come off a tad defensive, but it is also meant to be light and silly at times.
Please take it with a gran of salt. ;)1. "Is your child autistic?"
I don't ask you if your kid is "neurotypical"? What a weird question people ask me. Most people know by now what autism looks like. If you are asking me, odds are you know the answer.
2. "Where is he on the spectrum? Is it like Aspergers?"
Yes, I realize there are over 100 types of autism, which are classified all over what is called a spectrum. It generally goes from the highest functioning (such as aspergers), then down spectrum your child goes.
I do not need to prove to you that our kid is great, because he is on the higher functioning side.
In fact, some of the smartest kids are non-verbal, which can be considered lowering functioning. (Have you read The Reason I Jump yet?)The truth is, it makes me feel bad if you ask about the highest functioning type and then I have to say no to that question. Also, children get diagnosed at three years of age, so progress can be made past initial diagnoses! Don't put our kid in a box. I CAN'T STAND THAT!
3. "Does he get aggressive? Because we don't want the other children to be in danger."
First off, I don't want anyone (including my child) to be in danger. Yes, some autistic kids are aggressive. Some can be VERY aggressive, but the parents of those children will be the first to tell you, so your children and their children are both safe. No one is trying to pull one over on you.
Some autistic kids exude aggressive behavior, but will be able to tell you why. My son falls into this category from time to time and I am the first to admit it. Here's an example: my son grabbed my face very rough and it scared me. I asked him why he did that and he said "what does it look like under you skin?" I responded, "Do not EVER do that to anyone ever again - do you understand?!" Little man looked down and said "Yes mom." "Now, if you want to learn about the human body, or what it looks like inside, you become a doctor or a scientist when you grow up," I told him.
"If you just want to know now, we can look for a book this week about muscles and skeletons, if that is something that interests you." He responded, "Cool! Thanks mom. I forgot the words to ask, so I just thought I'd look. Sorry. Are you mad?"
My kid is just as curious as your kid; he just doesn't know how to ask a million questions, so he looks for the answers the only way he knows how. In this case, he did it by getting a bit physical and invading my personal space.
Some autistic kids are seeking out the feeling of "crashing." Or what it would feel like to push/pull because of sensory issues.
And some (also like mine) are love-bugs - sweet, thoughtful and endearing!I can't tell you how many people (adults and children alike!) get kisses on the lips from our son. We have more issues with what is considered the "appropriate behavior" in daily interactions then anything else.Be sensitive to this and know I want what is best for everyone.
4. "Your child has autism? That must be so hard on you; I couldn't do it."Yes, it is very hard and because you "couldn't do it;" you were not blessed with a child like mine. ;)But all parenting is difficult. Us autism moms and dads do not corner the market on tough parenting jobs. Yes, we have hours of therapies per week that your kids maybe don't, and we have to work twice as hard to TEACH our child how to interact with others. While, it does not come natural, in some cases can be learned. Thankfully we seem to be falling into this category.
Being a parent is hard, no matter what "type" of child you have been blessed with.
And to be super honest, I've seen some of your "neurotypical" kids acting like crazy nut jobs in stores, yelling and screaming while mine is like, "what's up with him?" lol.
I'm sure you may have meant it as a compliment, but you've really just made me feel like I should feel different about being a parent, because my child is different then yours.
5. "I have an autistic friend/nephew/brother/cousin/etc. so I know exactly what you are going through."No, you do not. You were not in my home for the first 3 years of my son's life, where he would cry 3-6 hours per day, disconnected, with his eyes glazed over.
No, you do not know what it's like to hold a child down as he is screaming "I can't stop crying; why is my brain like this - help me" as he got older and began to talk more.
No, you do not know how long we were on a waiting list and how much money we pay for my son's bio-medical path. (To give you a ballpark, the doctor is $300-$500 per hour plus about $300 per month in vitamins and minerals. Our insurance does not cover this. Some insurance companies actually do, I hear.)No, you did not give my son a B12 shot every 3 days for 2 years, I did that, my husband did that. No, don't say that. Maybe you know about a type of autism that your friend/nephew/brother/cousin/etc. had, so you can empathize, but you have no idea what goes on in my home. It's offensive. Just don't word it like that maybe? Or just lead with I empathize with you perhaps?Again, I'm sure it came from a good place but it drives me nuts!
Ok, end rant. lol
Anyone have a 5 things list to share?
Have you seen a bunch of these lists popping up everywhere too?