Today, I can honestly say that I've just experienced one of the sweetest moment a mother can expect from her daughter.
#30/365
"Little Miss Not A Princess Bébé and I were playing lego on the floor. But I was so tired today that I accidentally dozed off while leaning on the couch. Not only did baby girl let me have my forty winks in peace by playing alone quietly, when I opened them after realising I fell asleep, she smiled and gently pushed me back towards the couch and tried shutting my eye as if asking me to go back to bed. Surprised by her actions, I decided to try again by opening my eyes and leaning forward to her. Again, she gently pushed me down and used her hands to cover my eyes (hand sign for sleep), and this time, she said, "sleep" to make sure I understood her. Whoa, yes m'am! So I pretended to sleep for the next 5 minutes while sneaking a few peeks to see what she's up to. And there she was, playing happily with her lego set and occasionally glancing at me to make sure I was still sleeping. It may seem like nothing, but to me, my child has just showed me that she was very capable of showing her compassionate side. Knowing that mommy was probably tired, she insisted I get some rest and was contented just playing alone next to me. It was honestly the sweetest sweetest achievement for me so far that my two year old is such an empathic little human being."
This also brings me to an issue that's been annoying me for the past couple of days - the video of a friendly debate between Peaches Geldof and Katie Hopkins on the subject of Attachment Parenting (AP). Now, I'm a huge fan of AP, and like Peaches said, it's only recently that scientists have actually come up with a name for it, because in reality, this form of parenting has been going on for decades. Attachment parenting is about empathy, to be in tune with your child's needs and feelings, and to be there for them whenever necessary.
When Katie Hopkins opened her mouth and said that attachment parenting is crap parenting, I was horrified. To oppose another person's parenting ways is one thing, to say that it's crap parenting is just out of bounds. Which brings me to the thing that irks me most - extreme anti-attachment parenting folks and their advocacy for helicopter parenting and Cry It Out solution.
I'm no parenting expert, but I know I'm no tiger mom. I'm not in favour of being a control freak over my child and no, I cannot stand letting my child crying it out. Trust me, I tried twice when I didn't know better and that was enough for me. Personally, I do agree that there are times where crying is necessary. But there is a difference letting a child cry in your arms and letting them cry alone. I seriously don't think it's okay to let children cry alone.
If you ever think about the concept of helicopter parenting and CIO, you'd realize that the core of it is to let your child know that you (the parent) are in control of his life, not him. You're teaching your child to stop trying, because it doesn't matter how hard you try (and cry), your voice and effort do not matter. You're teaching your child to stop trusting, because it doesn't matter when someone tells you how much they love you, they'll never be there for you when you need them. You're telling your child that he will never be in control of his own life, because if something he wants is not what you want, he won't be able to have it anyway. So what does all this equate to growing up? Constant practice of this form parenting raises young adults who lack empathy, insecure and unmotivated.
No, I'm not just saying it because I think it is so. I'm saying it because there have been studies of children raised by helicopter parents who have problems stepping out of their comfort zone for the fear of failing and that the CIO method has long term bad effects on children. I mean, common sense tells you too, that it's foreseeable that a child raised in a helicopter parenting family will have no motivation to plan ahead for himself, seeing that everything has been preplanned for him and everything has to go according to what the parents want; and a child raised in a CIO method family will lack empathy because that was not how he was raised in the first place.
I'm proud to be an AP parent. I believe babies are born to want to stay close to their parents. I babywear my little girl, and have been doing so since the day she was born, and even my husband loves babywearing her. We co-sleep (we actually started with separate rooms after birth but by six months and with support from hubby, I decided to screw it with parenting books and advice and brought our baby into our room with us) and we haven't looked back since. She's been breastfed since birth and still is at two years of age. Some may tell you she's clingy, but to me that's just her way of telling the world that there's no one she trusts more than her mommy, and I'm fine with that. I am confident that she will soon outgrow her need for me and face the world on her own one day while knowing that mommy (and daddy) will always be beside her to support her in whatever she does.
I'm also glad to say that my AP parenting is paying off, my little girl is turning out to be such a compassionate little human being. I couldn't have been more proud of her today. I love you my little precious. <3