What an amazing day it has been! Partly circumstantial as my husband got home (yay!!) but it was also the first full day of my “21 days of gratitude challenge.”
Every time I began to grumble, even just to myself, about anything, I remembered my thoughts from yesterday, and immediately looked for something in the situation to be thankful for.
What resulted was a wonderful day. One of the best I’ve had in months.
I found that I was so peaceful today. I stopped focusing on what I was trying to get others around me to do for me and just enjoyed them. It’s embarassing to find that I really viewed my husband as somewhat of a commodity. He would come home and I would immediately start thinking of ways that he could make my life easier. How he could serve me.
Today, however, I simply enjoyed his presence. I don’t know if he left his suitcase in the middle of our bedroom, unpacked. I don’t know if he trimmed beard hairs and left them in the sink. I don’t know if he changed any diapers or took out the trash.
But I do know that we played a lot with the kids. That he snuggled Etta all through her nap. That he would stop me, spontaneously throughout the business of the day, just to kiss me.
I am so humbled realizing how much of my day is spent trying to control those around me. Tonight he asked if I needed his help putting the kids to bed, because he had just an hour to finish a song he needed to record for a producer.
Normally I would retort back with something like “of course I need your help, I’ve done it alone all this time that you’ve been gone!” But I realized that this is 100% untrue. Sure, I would appreciate his help, but I didn’t truly need it.
I throw that word around way too much. Need.
“Nope!” I smiled. “I can handle it.”
Oh. My. Word. What time and energy I have been wasting trying to control him! He’s a good man. He loves putting our children to bed. So I know that if he doesn’t, it’s for a good reason. So, I’m content to rest in that. My challenge now is to silence the lies in my head that tell me that he’s not helping me because he doesn’t care about me. The ones that say that I deserve to be treated better. The ridiculous voices that say that I need to make sure that he is behaving the way that I want him to.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t do this all the time. We actually have a very harmonious relationship founded on a mutual respect for each other. But I realized today that any time spent trying to control him is toxic to our relationship and is, quite frankly, completely exhausting.
So, today, on Day 2, I’m thankful for the ability to change. I’m thankful that God used this blog to knock on my heart and remind me of something that he has taught me before, that I’ve so selfishly pushed aside. I’m thankful that He loves me enough to care about my marriage being not only nice and peaceful, but life-giving and glorifying to Him.
How was your day?
live well. be well.