Starring: Lynn Holmes, Nora Wieternik
Trivia: This 14-minute short was edited down from a 50-minute XXX porn film
OK, long story short: this is not the movie I was going to write about today. I had another film lined up, but knew I’d have to put that one on the back-burner the moment I finished watching a 14-minute crap-fest from 1971 known as The Geek.
Following a bit of opening narration (I swear the narrator sounds like William Daniels, the voice of K.I.T.T. in the ‘80s television show Knight Rider), three couples drive up in a VW Minibus, grab their sleeping bags and equipment from out of the back, and head into the woods, determined to track down the elusive monster known as Bigfoot. After walking for some time, the couples discover an enormous footprint in the dirt, and decide to set up their cameras on a hill just across the way, hoping to catch a glimpse of the legendary creature. As luck would have it, Bigfoot does make an appearance, and to show the monster they mean it no harm, the group sends one of the girls (played by Nora Wieternik) to greet him. What happens next is…. Well, pretty damn bizarre. In a nutshell, Bigfoot rapes her!
From what I can gather, the version of The Geek that I saw (it was a special feature on Something Weird Video’s DVD of Godmonster of Indian Flats) was heavily edited. The original cut of The Geek is over 50 minutes long, and is, believe it or not, a Bigfoot-themed porn film! Along with a few hardcore sex scenes between the actors (only two of whom are listed in the credits on IMDb: Ms. Wieternik, playing “Girl in Black Shorts”; and Lynn Holmes, in the pivotal role of “Girl in White Shorts”), the movie takes things a step further when Bigfoot gets in on the act and rapes a couple of the girls. In my version, the hardcore sex was gone, as was one of the two rapes.
So, what did that leave me with? Well, for at least 8 or 9 of the 14 minutes, I watched the three couples walk…. and walk…. and walk. They walked up a hill, across a ridge, through a field, and down a dirt path before something finally happened (they found the footprint). To make matters worse, the film’s Bigfoot is absolutely terrible, looking more like a vagrant who hadn’t shaved in a few months than a wonder of nature. Before the big guy appeared, The Geek was positively boring (I’m talking as dull as the opening sequence of Manos, The Hands of Fate). So, imagine my surprise when, all of a sudden, Bigfoot pulls the clothes off “Girl in Black Shorts” and has his way with her. All at once, what had been a slow, mundane motion picture became a very dark, kinda icky one.
For those brave souls whose curiosity I’ve piqued, proceed with caution: through most of The Geek, you’ll wish you had a pillow. By the time it’s over, you’ll probably feel like you need a bath.