I’m not going to reveal how friends and I have spent hours on the Urban Dictionary (UB) site learning disgusting things and laughing until we wet our pants. Suffice it to say that there are names for stuff that I never knew were possible, much less for real. If you have not visited UB, you are in for a real treat.
The other wonderful aspect of the UB is that terms are coined for situations that we all find ourselves in at one time or another. When I read these terms, I often question, “Why the hell didn’t I think of that term?” (e.g. a Chipotle Child is the big dump you might take after eating Chipotle. Genius, right?)
Recently as I was making my way through some of the newest terminology (I like to be hip, you know) I came across some gems that could easily be translated exclusively for runners.
1. Sphincter Trembles
Urban Dictionary: Fear of relaxing the sphincter after a few days without a poo.
Just for Runners (JFR): The sphincter trembles need not occur after a few days without a poo. They can easily descend upon a runner on any given day during any given run.
Urban Dictionary: A man who must be home by midnight for any one of a variety of reasons or he will face serious consequences.
JFR: A male runner who need to be home well before midnight so they can function at 6 a.m. when he gets up to run the next morning.
Urban Dictionary: Fear of going out, opposite of FOMO. A light hearted jovial expression used in situations where a person is non committal to the evenings activities.
JFR: FOGO occurs for runners any night before a race.
Urban Dictionary: The opposite of a happy ending when getting a massage. When you are so relaxed that you shit yourself during the massage.
JFR: This has the potential to happen to any runner if they opt for the immediate post-race massage at a race finish line.
Urban Dictionary: Frozen snots dangling from noses, created during cold weather.
JFR: This phenomenon happens to every runner when it’s under 30 degrees.
Urban Dictionary: When you are at the breaking point of pissing or shitting your pants. You can't run because that would shake it all out.
JFR: Yep. More often than we would like to admit we take the Emergency Walk.
Urban Dictionary: The feeling of inspiration one can get when having a drink (alcoholic).
JFR: Runners often get major Drinkspiration just prior to signing up for races that they will later wonder why they signed up for.
Urban Dictionary: The weight a person reports on his or her driver's license which is anywhere between 5 and 20 lbs. less than the person's actual weight.
JFR: This could also be a runner’s racing weight.
9. Inappropriate Selfie
Urban Dictionary: When someone or a group of people decide to take a selfie at the absolute wrong moment in time. Like at a funeral or during intercourse.
JFR: Anytime a runner stops in the middle of a race course to take a selfie, thereby causing those around him/her to have to weave around them.
Urban Dictionary: Combination of "faux" and "hygiene" meaning when you half-heartedly wash your hands in a restroom. Your motivation is not actual hygiene but rather the social pressure to appear as if you actually do care.
JFR: Runners engage in this activity on a regular basis when they have to run then go somewhere right after. Fauxgiene includes using baby wipes and deodorant.
SUAR