Divorce is a very traumatic event for both the parties involved, not leaving out the kids. During and after the divorce is when we feel the most vulnerable. In the heat of the moment do not make any rash decisions that you will regret later. Sure you are bound to be heart broken or angry, but deal with it like mature adults.
Here are some things that you should consider avoiding when going through a divorce:
- Do not get pregnant-Pregnancy certainly complicates things in a divorce. Though the child may not be your current husband’s, the court can deny divorce on the grounds that a woman in pregnancy needs financial support and they will only assume the child to be born as that of your current husbands.
- Never neglect your kids-If you are going through hell, your kids are also going through the same. Divorce is very traumatic for kids as they have to face the prospect of the separation of the people they trust the most in the world. They worry if you also will leave them. Don’t forget to give them lots of love and spend a lot of time together during this period. Never take out any grudge that you have on their father on them.
- Do not increase your expenditure-You’ll soon be supporting yourself and even your kids. So now is not the time to go overboard in that retail therapy. You might not receive your alimony soon enough for you to be able to pay bills of the lawyers or other expenditures. Save for a rainy day. Remember you have to now live on a single income, so save the spending till you’re financially secure and stable.
- Do not upright refuse a mediation or negotiation-At the end of the day what matters is that the divorce is settled on terms that are favorable to you. Mediation and negotiation will help you deal with the property issues and emotional trauma. In this process, professional therapists and attorneys will help get through this trying phase and reach an understanding between you and your soon to be ex.
- Do not forget to change your will-Your will does not automatically change just because you get divorced. So if you want change who receives your valuables’ after your death, don’t forget to update your will.
- Do not jump into another relationship immediately-Ok, so you’re feeling depressed and need a shoulder to cry on. But that doesn’t mean you get into a relationship on the rebound. Wait until your emotions are stable and you’re completely healed before you enter another relationship.
- Do not refuse to visit a therapist-Do not be afraid to express your emotions. Visit a therapist and help speedup the healing process. A therapist can help you deal with conflicting emotions such as blaming yourself and revenge.
- Do not try to get revenge-Do not bad mouth your soon to be ex. Seeking revenge and washing your dirty linen in the courthouse is even worse. Move on. Act like an adult. You are not the only person hurt by the divorce.
- Do not rush the settlement-Just because you want to get the divorce over and out of the way that you compromise on your settlement. Protect yourself for the future. Look into all financial records such as taxes, mortgages, credit cards statements etc… Try to get maximum financial security for you and your children that include health insurance, a home to stay, regular expenditure income.
- Do not severe communication completely-Unless you have serious reasons to keep away from your ex-spouse, do not sever communications. A communicative relationship is essential when you have kids together. Be civil in responding to any form of communication.
Separate the differences that you have with your soon to be ex for a smoother separation. Once it’s all over and done with, you’ll be thanking yourself for not behaving and acting rashly.
Written by:Rasha Ashraf