Cannes is what France has instead of Lytham St Annes in Lancashire. Both are modest seaside resorts, slightly more stylish than their neighbors. Both have pleasant coastlines, a long history of sea bathing and many retirees.
The main difference is that while Lytham St Annes has potted prawns, Cannes has the world's most important film festival. Depending on who you listen to, it's the second or third media event in the world (after the Olympics and maybe the World Cup).
This year 77 e version kicks off on May 14 at the Riviera resort's Palais des Festivals. Camille Cottin (from Call my agent!) organizes the opening ceremony, Greta Gerwig ( Barbie director) heads the main jury, which awards the Palme-d'Or award.
Cannes has not become the film festival capital by chance. It took generations to get there.
In reality, the holiday resort of Cannes-as-Riviera was pioneered by a British aristo: Lord Brougham, ex-Lord Chancellor.
He arrived in 1834 in what was then a fishing port characterized by poverty. He liked the place, had a classical-looking villa built on a road outside the city and named it Villa Eléonore-Louise, after his daughter who died during its construction. You can still see the villa - ocher yellow, pillars, now faded into apartments - as you peer through the private development at 24 Avenue Dr Picaud.
Brougham settled in, the great, the good and the frontier madmen followed, shaping Cannes for the fashion conscious from across Northern Europe, Russia and the United States. The old fishing port was awash in opulence and thrust into the world spotlight as a center of elegance, wealth and debauchery.
For all these reasons, Cannes was an obvious candidate when the French decided in 1938 that they needed a real film event. They were fed up with the Venice International Film Festival, the oldest in the world, which, under pressure from Hitler and Mussolini, had awarded the 1938 prize to Leni Riefenstahl's film. Olympia a well-muscled paean to fascism.
The rival French event would therefore start on September 1, 1939. Great films were programmed - The Wizard of OzKordas Four feathersCecil B. DeMille's Pacific Union - and movie stars like Tyrone Power, Gary Cooper and Mae West flew in to float around in yachts in the bay. Then Germany invaded Poland. France (and Great Britain) declared war on Germany two days later, on September 3. Cannes was cancelled.
The film festival event was forgotten until 1946. The relaunch included fireworks, floats, pigeons, a beauty pageant and films from 21 countries - 11 of which came in first place. These include those of David Lean Short meetingBilly Wilders Lost weekendRossellinis Rome, open city and, in an initiative that will have all the awards, Fridrikh Ermler's Soviet war film, The pivot point. In the early years, the emphasis was as much on celebrating cinema as on competition. Almost everyone won something.
In 1955, the Palme d'Or top award replaced the numerous previous prizes. Cannes continued its role, supported by essential controversies. The 1968 festival fell victim to the May riots in Paris. Filmmakers Truffaut, Godard and Louis Malle felt Cannes should show solidarity with protesters, so the festivities were halted.
1973 by Marco Ferreri La Grande Bouffe - featuring old men eating themselves to death - caused the festival audience to vomit. It still won the critics' prize. Novelist Françoise Sagan - festival chairman in 1979 - caused major damage when she claimed that the jury had been pressured into awarding the Palme d'Or to Apocalypse now. In revenge, the festival organizers decided not to pay her expenses.
Four years later, French actress Isabelle Adjani has offended many by refusing to play for photo shoots - hence her resulting reputation among snappers as a diva.
Then there's all the cheering. Some films, even winners, are less appreciated than others. The triumph of Maurice Pialat in 1987 Under the sun of Satan was greeted by a volley of catcalls. The French director did not flinch. "You don't like me," he shouted from the stage. "And let me tell you, I don't like you either." Then he hugged Catherine Deneuve. A few years later, Quentin Tarantino pointed his finger at an audience member who shouted, "What c**p!" when Pulp Fiction gold taken.
In 2011, Lars Von Trier ruffled feathers by apparently speaking in favor of Hitler. A few years earlier, films with what some considered overlong rape scenes also caused a stir, such as Gaspar Noé's. Irreversible.
But Cannes' momentum is unstoppable; the film world scandal fuels it nicely. This year there are new films by David Cronenberg, Francis Ford Coppola, Paul Schrader and, on opening night, Quentin Dupieux with Le Deuxième Acte. Omar Sy, van She-wolf fame, and Eva Green will join Greta Gerwig on the main jury, Kevin Costner flies in to launch his Horizon, an American saga magnum opus and George Lucas will be in Cannes to receive a Palme d'Or d'Honneur for his lifetime achievement. There will be more, with yachts full.
The La Croisette boulevard and the palace hotels that line it will be bustling. All this means that this is a very good time not to be there. Hotel prices are in the sky, you pay way too much for a Perrier, you don't go to parties thrown by Sharon Stone, and security men shadowing dinosaurs are ubiquitous. It is far from cheerful or relaxing.
If you do indeed go at any other time, you will quickly notice one thing: that Cannes's great achievement is that it has managed to spread the glamor of the festival all year round. Of course the promenade and the bay are beautiful and there are sandy beaches, but such things are not unknown elsewhere on the Mediterranean.
What sets Cannes apart is the sparkling, film-driven veneer it covers itself with. There are movie star suites and cocktails, wall-length movie star murals, movie star handprints from the Palais des Festivals and evocations of films everywhere. You'd think Brad and Matt and George and Jodie and Cate Blanchett would hang out here all the time. Spoiler alert: they're not.
Beneath the surface gloss - the fizz, froth and froth - there isn't much going on. 'Weightless' is the word. And Cannes is all the better for it. Weightlessness is a virtue in a world with plenty of weighty places. You can take a walk through La Croisette. It's glorious.
You walk up Le Suquet hill, where Cannes piled up, tight and steep, when fishing was still his thing. At the top, the Muséé des Explorations du Monde stands out among world cultures, the only museum you must see, and only when it rains.
You could possibly take a trip to one of the islands - prefer Sainte-Marguerite to Saint-Honorat; the man in the iron mask was beaten up there in the Fort Royal - and your duty is done. You're free to do what you've always wanted to do: shop, eat, drink and go to the beach, suspend your disbelief and entertain the illusion that you're as groovy as can be.
I tried the same in Lytham St Annes. It almost works.
Plan the perfect holiday in Cannes with our expert guide.
How to discover the French Riviera without enduring the crowds of Cannes
Spring on the Riviera is the most beautiful of all seasons. I wouldn't waste it with the crazy glitz of the festival.
Try the hustle and bustle of the big seaside city of Nice instead. The capital of the Riviera is thriving and vibrant, whether visitors come or not. Book The Deck Hotel (+33 492 144020; May doubles from £96).
Would you prefer peace and quiet? The peaceful one? Something more modest? Head to Agay, near St Raphaël, which ends where the red rocks of Mount Esterel open into one of the most beautiful bays in France. The Relais d'Agay is the place to stay (+33 494 827820; May doubles from £55).
Alternatively, Menton comes somewhere between the two - quiet enough for the civilized, but with just enough liveliness, day and night, that the civilized also need. The seaside Hotel Riva costs from £104 in May (+33 492 109210).
Whatever you choose, fly to Nice from all London airports and many regional airports including British Airways, Ryanair and easyJet. Prices vary widely depending on the airline, departure airport and flight date.
Plan the perfect holiday on the French Riviera with our expert guide.
