Dating Magazine

Why Did Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You Out of The Blue?

By Louise Hadley
Why Did Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You Out of The Blue? Why Did Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You Out of The Blue?

It has not been too long since your breakup with your ex boyfriend. It is possible that you have taken the advice that the best way to get back with your ex boyfriend is to follow the no contact rule. So far, you have been doing well and avoided all types of communications with your ex and concentrate on your own life. But, suddenly your ex boyfriend texted you out of blue. Your heart starts beating very fast and your palms are beginning to sweat. You are very tempted to reply back and tell him that you miss him and love him. Before you do anything, you need to take a step back and figure out why your ex boyfriend reaches out to you all of a sudden, so you don't reply back the wrong thing and get hurt again.

If it is still a fresh breakup, then it is important for you to take the contact with a pinch of salt because the emotional dust from your breakup has not settled yet and your ex's emotions are not stable and might fluctuate. Below are some possible reasons why your ex boyfriend suddenly gets in touch:

  • Your ex boyfriend has difficulty getting over you and moving onYour ex boyfriend who suddenly initiates contact with no apparent reason might be having problems getting over the breakup and moving on. Since you have been in no contact for quite some time, he is scared that you might have already moved on without him.
  • Your ex boyfriend realized that he made a mistake and the new girl is not right for himIf your ex boyfrien broke up with you because of another girl, he might be reaching out to you after realizing that leaving you was a big mistake on his part and the new girl is completely wrong for him. Sometimes, it takes losing someone to realize how important that someone is to you. Guys easily get distracted and make stupid decisions such as giving up a long time stable relationship to be with an attractive girl whom he just met weeks ago. As soon as he realizes that he and the new girl are not working out, you are the first one that comes to his mind.
  • Your ex boyfriend genuinely wants to get back togetherThis might be one of the most common reasons why an ex boyfriend suddenly contacts you shortly after breakup. He is still in love with you and wants to give your relationship a second try. Depending on what kind of personality he has and also what is the reason for the breakup, he might not be so straight forward with his intentions for contacting you. That is when you need to know how to respond to his message or call. We will talk about that in greater details later on.Also, I need to emphasize that an ex boyfriend who really cares about you and genuinely wants to get back together is willing to take baby steps towards working out your relationship problems and make consistent effort in doing so. You need to be wary when your ex makes implusive declarations of never-ending love. Passion is born out of need, and our emotional needs can change very quicly especially in the case of a breakup.
  • Your ex boyfriend doesn't want to lose his friendship with youSome of my friends are best friends with their ex now. So, it might not be surprising that your ex boyfriend might really take his friendship with you very seriously because he can talk about almost everything with you and you get him in a way no one else ever does. A romantic relationship might not work out between two of you, but he is hoping that he can stay good friends with you. This could be hard for you if you are not over him. But, if you feel the same way as him, then it does no harm keeping him as a good friend.
  • Your ex boyfriend wants to ask for your helpIt is unlikely but it is not impossible. Your ex boyfriend might need a favor from you. That explains why he contacts you out of blue. In this case, it is entirely up to you if you want to help or not. If you are not keen in doing him any favors, remember to turn him down politely.

On the other hand, if it has been quite a lengthy period of time since the last time you talked to your ex, I can understand how surprised you might feel at first and then you start to wonder why your ex suddenly contacts you.

  • Your ex boyfriend suddenly thought of you and wanted to know how you are doingIt is possible that something or some place suddenly reminded your ex boyfriend of you and he just wanted to reach out and see how you have been doing. If your ex contacted you via a facebook message or email, he could really just want to catch up with you and you should not try to overthink this.
  • Your ex boyfriend is single now and wants to get back in touchAnother possible reason might be that your ex boyfriend is recently single again and he is looking to reconnect with you. That means that he still thinks about you and might want to test waters first and see if you still have feelings for him. Sometimes, be wary of ex boyfriends who might just try to have a quick fling with their exes. So, stay away immediately from him if you start to sense his ill intentions.
  • Your ex boyfriend is unhappy in his relationship & looking for someone to talk toYou know that your ex boyfriend is in a new relationship now. Sometimes, guys prefer to talk to their exes when they are having trouble with their current relationships because guys seldom talk to their guy buddies about their feelings or their love life. You were once the closest person to him, so it is much easier to for him to open up and talk about his issues. Take note that in times like this, it is easy for you to let your guard down, and some girls have a thing for vunerable guys. Just remember that your ex has a girlfriend and don't cross any lines.

So, here comes the question about how to reply to your ex boyfriend when he contacts you out of blue. If you are still thinking about getting back together, you should do the following:

When you first got your ex's text in a long time, it is important that you don't reply him right away. If you text him back right away, it is likely that you might say you still think about him or you wish you were still together. I can understand that you might still feel that way about your ex, but the thing is that you are not sure why he suddenly gets in touch and you have to find out why first before making a fool out of yourself and scare your ex away again by coming across as too needy and desperate.

So, that is why you need to wait for at least one hour before you reply him back. This can give him the impression that you are busy with your own life and you are not just waiting by the phone for him to contact you. This is a very crucial step if you are really thinking about getting back together.

If you feel that you might not be able to stop yourself from texting him back right away, what you can do is to switch off your phone and then go out for a walk without your phone. That way, you can also clear your head and gather your thoughts. More importantly, it will help you demonstrate to him that you are not desperate for his attention.

I would advise you to send him back something that sort of mirrors what he said. For example, if he asked how you have been in his text, you can reply yo him that you have been doing great and then ask the same question back. Remember that this is not a good time to have a serious conversation, especially any topics related to your relationship. More often than not, a guy text his ex girlfriend out of blue to say that he is thinking about her. When you hear this, your hearts might start to melt. But, be warned that your ex boyfriend might just want to find out if you are willing to hang out and he might not be looking for more of a fling than something serious because he is just feeling lonely. So, if he did text you to say he misses you, you should probably pretend you didn't hear that and change the topic. It goes to show him that you are being protective of yourself and you are not going to be influenced by what he said until you are certain he really meant what he said.

    Be The First One To End The Conversation

Even if you hope the conversation with your ex boyfriend could go on for hours, you have to end the conversation shortly after it starts. Let me explain to you why you should do this. First of all, you don't want your primary way of communication to be text messaging/whatsapping because this is too impersonal and it is also very convenient for him to say things that might not be sincere. Besides, if you end the conversation first by suggesting that you need to be some place now or you are busy with something, it will give him the impression that he is not your top priority any more. Establishing this fact early in the reconnection process is important because it sets the tone for the new connection you two may have.

Why Did Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You Out of The Blue?

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog