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Whole Foods Has To Increase Marketing Because Otherwise Chester Cheetah Would Keep Influencing Your Food Purchases

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews

The Associated Press reports that Whole Foods Market is going to begin a major national marketing push after reporting weak sales earlier today.

3 Questions That Arise From This Story

1. Who puts the “ripe” stickers on avocados at Whole Foods Market? We mean, is that someone’s job, to feel the ripeness of all fruit and vegetables and label them and then pull off the labels as the ripeness changes, and relabel them? If so, does that make you feel better or worse about your job?

2. Why doesn’t someone genetically modify avocados to automatically grow transforming labels that indicate whether or not they are ripe? Answer: because genetically modified flashing neon avocados doesn’t sound like something Whole Foods’ nutrition-information-reading customers would want to buy.

3. Will marketing convince more people to eat healthy food, and if so, how will this impact Cheetos’ mascot Chester Cheetah’s career? Well, if people listen to healthy food marketing as much as marketing to vote against labelling genetically modified foods, and marketing that has convinced them that anything in the granola bar aisle named “Nature’s Happy Bars (full of corn syrup and fat and sodium and simulated blueberries)” is healthy… the Cheetah may be out of work… and may find a job relabelling avocados. Somebody’s gotta do it.

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