Humor Magazine

When Bob’s On The Pot He Likes To Read A Lot (It’s A Man Thing!)

By Gingerfightback @Gingerfightback

bobonthepot_hello

Hello Folks,

At the Doctor’s today for a check up on my rash.

As a result of the butter bean stew, I was using the facilities. I always find disabled access toilets a pleasure.  High seat, roomy, easy to use taps and plenty of toilet roll. Nothing worse than having to use the cardboard tube.

I took in with me a copy of Hello! magazine and was reading about Wayne Rooney’s marriage (it was a doctor’s surgery!) to the lovely Colleen. They looked so happy and clean. Liked scrubbed veruccas.

Memories of my own wedding, to my lovely wife Shirley, came flooding back.

The look on the Vicar’s face when her water’s broke! Shirley’s Dad, Vince gave him a few bob to clean the carpet. And a death threat.

Hard man is Vince.  Has ashtrays made from rival Roofers kneecaps and once had a man nailed to the bonnet of his Jaguar for being tone-deaf. Being psychotic and having  perfect pitch is a difficult combo.

Shirley told me he ate his left earlobe for a bet in 1984. Tasted like chicken apparently.

When Shirley announced she was  pregnant, it didn’t take Vince long to convince me how much I loved her. More gatling gun than shotgun wedding.

So, Dinsdale was born on our wedding day in the back of the horse drawn carriage, with Shirley shouting obscenities at me (somethings never change).

Vince shed a tear! The hardest man north of the Tiber, blubbed like a baby, broke the Vicar’s jaw in an act of joy and said “Fuck me.”

They were Dinsdale’s first words. He was nine when he said them. Proud as punch I was.

Happy Days.

Laters

Bob


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • NHS at 70

    This is the script of this morning’s Thought for the Day on BBC Radio 4’s Today Programme:As we approach the 70th anniversary of the founding of the National... Read more

    10 hours, 43 minutes ago by   Nicholas Baines
    RELIGION, SOCIETY, SPIRITUALITY
  • John Cale: Antwerp 2018/06/24 Setlist

    John Cale: Antwerp 2018/06/24 Setlist

    John Cale performed at Ppenluchttheater Rivierenhof, Antwerp, Belgium - - June 24, 2018. The band: John Cale: vocals, electric guitar, keyboards, viola Dustin... Read more

    11 hours, 32 minutes ago by   Hctf
    ENTERTAINMENT, MUSIC
  • Josie at the Beach

    Josie Beach

    Read more

    11 hours, 34 minutes ago by   Vickilane
    CREATIVITY, PHOTOGRAPHY
  • Communication Lessons

    What is the one question that almost all human beings seek the answer for? For most of their lives? Yeah, I know, there are those strange beings who want "Who a... Read more

    14 hours, 12 minutes ago by   C. Suresh
    DIARIES, SELF EXPRESSION
  • Take Five with Sonny Dhanowa

    Take Five with Sonny Dhanowa

    Photo credit: Hans van der Linden Meet Sonny Dhanowa from Trowbridge in the UK. After studying Biological and Medicinal Chemistry at the University of Exeter,... Read more

    14 hours, 30 minutes ago by   Nessascityblog
    DESTINATIONS, TRAVEL
  • Daughter of Madness by Amanda J. McGee

    Daughter Madness Amanda McGee

    GUEST POST5 Favorite BooksWhat author doesn’t like to talk about her favorite books? My problem is narrowing it down, honestly, which is a problem I’m sure... Read more

    16 hours, 4 minutes ago by   Lauriej
    BOOKS, CULTURE
  • Like the Famous Flour Bakery Banana Bread - HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

    Like Famous Flour Bakery Banana Bread HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

    version;I'm sure that many enthusiastic bakers would have known or baked this highly reviewed Flour Bakery bread recipe from the book, Flour by Joanne Chang or... Read more

    The 24 June 2018 by   Zoebakeforhappykids
    FOOD & DRINK, RECIPES

Magazine