Humor Magazine

What Happens When a Homeless Man, His Cat, and a Drunk Handicapped Man Argue?

By Piecesofmyrandomness @NannaPaskesen

What happens when a homeless man, his cat, and a drunk handicapped man argue?

Arguments are a peculiar thing when it’s witnessed from the eye of someone outside the angry fracture between the two argumenteers. In some cases they can lead to an agreement like the ‘waking up dead’ argument in scary movie 3 does, or it can become ever long like the ‘we were on a break’ argument between Ross and Rachel. A while ago I witnessed one of these Ross and Rachel arguments were you cannot help your giggles evolving even though they go on and on arguing.

Having taken the weight of my rubbershoes concealed feet, my arse was planking on an un-inviting disordered bench at Angel Tube station. Since my guilty pleasure is to watch cat videos on YouTube, (because I find cats as hilarious as Will Ferrel’s mouth) I quickly noticed that the homeless man outside the tube had a pet cat, and I treated the fact that he had a cat with gallant attention. Unlike others.

Suddenly this handicapped drunk rolled past me in his wheelchair like the speed of Charlie Sheen running in a marathon where the ending line is a made of coke. I could taste the scent of spirits galore on my lips as he passed me and headed straight for this poor homeless man. Out of his mouth he assembled a fierce oral diarrhea and busted it towards the homeless man. I quickly caught up, and putting his words into sense, he was raging about animal rights, while letting us all know that this homeless man is guilty of using his cat as a tool to beg for money. It’s not like it’s a wild panda he’s forced into captivity. When the homeless man told the drunk handicapped man to leave him and his cat alone, the whole situation upraised to the level of the awkwardness a Christmas dinner with Hannibal Lector and the Clarice would peak. The drunk handicapped man started rolling his wheel chair back and forth on the homeless man’s blanket while screaming out an abusive combination of words. This led to the cat feeling uncomfortable and it started meow-ing, which pushed the homeless man over the edge. Since you can’t really hit a handicapped man, he disappeared behind the walls of the tube, and came out with two police men, telling them take care of this drunk handicapped man who’s abusing him and his cat both verbally and with the force of his wheels. This pushed the drunk handicapped man over the edge, and he started wheeling and threatening the homeless man even more, until the police had to roll him away and cuff him up. I was sat there thinking… I don’t even know why I’m sitting here. Fate probably put me here, so I could enjoy this glorious random moment.

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