Kids gone to bed: Check.
Tru Blood cocktails ready: Check.
Gran’s Pie and a box of tissues: Check.
You are now officially ready for HBO’s Season 5 finale! So what went down?
Well, for starters, Russell Edgington went all sparkly thanks to his high consumption of fairy blood and the fact that the entire fae army were hitting him with evey available microwave finger they could find! Luckily, before he could get into fairyland, Eric Northman showed up and ‘helped’ him find his true death. Nora also arrived and, surprisingly, had never smelled a fairy before. It got a bit fangy for a moment but Eric takes control and brings about order. (And was that an attempt at wooing Sookie?)
Jason seems to be ‘off with the fairies’ after being hit accidently by their light in the last episode. He is now seeing and speaking to his dead parents and they want all the vampires dead! Throughout the whole episode, they appear, giving their crackpot advice. Will Jason go back to the way he was when he joined the Fellowship of the Sun?
Sam is taken to Bill as a food parcel. He promises to never tell a soul about what he has witnessed in Authority HQ for Emma’s safe return. Bill doesn’t believe him and once Sam realises this, escapes by turning into a fly. Boy is Bill angry after that. The hunt is on!
Eric and Nora return to Fangtasia only to find Pam has been arrested by the Authority. Eric, Tara and Nora arrive at Sookie’s manage to convince her and Jason to join them in their attempt to free Pam, Bill and Jessica.
After admitting to Salome that he killed Kibwe for thinking he was the one true leader, Bill also claims Lilith had appeared to him. It gets a bit awkward here, since Salome had also had the same vision, but Bill tells her that Lilith announced to him that Salome was the one true leader. I think Bill has a plan. Maybe he isn’t as bad as we’ve been led to believe this season.
Sam returns to Luna, who is trapped in a cell with the other bloodbags at Authority HQ. He tries to convince her to escape at the first sign of trouble. Luna can see her daughter in the next cell and refuses to leave. Sam tries hard to convince her otherwise, but only time will tell if Sam got through to her. Sam shifts back into a fly and disappears. He must have a plan also.
Jessica and Pam are stuck in a cell. Jess is convinced that Eric has turned to the Sanguinista way of life. Pam just wishes she didn’t have to keep hearing about precious Sookie.
Alcide and his father are bonding when Martha arrives with an extremely high Rikki. It seems she’s been forcefed V by JD. Martha is concerned Rikki may overdose, but it turns out Jackson has a remedy for that. The side effect, though, is that as the V leeches from your body, it’s not at all pretty. While she’s sweating blood, she shares a few horrible details about JD and what he’s doing to the pack. Alcide gets mad and vows to fight him – even if he has to take V to make it an even fight!
Jason and Sookie (loaded up with a trunk full of coffins filled with vampires), break into an anti-vamp store and start loading themselves up with equipment. Their parents keep appearing to Jason, who is starting to work himself up into quite a fevour as a result. I sure hope Jason doesn’t get too hot-headed around our fave vamps!
Lafayette is making Cajun margaritas and getting Arlene and Holly tipsy. Jane Bodehouse doesn’t need them, since she is so well past drunk, it’s surprising she can perch on her bar stool. Lucky, since when Andy and his pregnant fairy arrive, she doesn’t even bat an eyelid when Maurella goes into labor – or drinks a large amount of salt. The fairy-labour scene is awkward – to say the least. Not only does Andy have to confess his sins to Holly, but she then proceeds to act as midwife to Maurella. Just when you think it can’t get any weirder, it appears fairy birth is like an orgasm mixed with fireworks!
Reverend Steve Newlin arrives and takes Emma out of her cage. Is that really him or is it a shifter? As Steve is leaving Authority HQ, he gets interupted by Chelsea, the Authority receptionist. She notices his lack of a southern accent. Steve tries hard to deflect her questions, but he finds even more trouble awaiting him when he has to give a blood sample at the elevator: not to mention the fact that headquarters are in lockdown! It’s not Steve, that’s for sure – but who is it really? This dilemma is moot once Rosalyn arrives – she is furious with Newlin for his little drinking party at the frat house. Thankfully, damage control includes having to follow her out of the building!
It turns out Maurella is giving birth to more than one child. After the first girl (minus an umbilical cord) arrives, she promptly goes back into labor and we are forced to watch her orgasmic lightshow again. Four children later, Maurella appears to be done. She promptly gets up and announces her departure. It ‘s apparently the man’s job to raise children in fairyland. How’s Andy going to cope with four children? How will Holly cope?
Alcide takes on JD and wins – with the help of Martha, her crossbow and a dose of V. I wonder who’s blood is stronger than the blood of Russell which JD had consumed? It seems Alcide is now officially pack master!
Eric and Nora returns to Authority HQ with three hostages: Tara (pretending to be a mainstreaming spy) , Sookie and Jason (human beverages). And after a quick chat with secuirty, they’re back in the Sanguinista nest – as simple as that!
Steve Newlin is put in the spotlight on national television and made to apologize for his and Russell’s actions in the frat house. Only a few sentences into his TV appearance and he starts to get sick. After vomiting, he shifts: into Luna! She promptly (on live television), starts telling America about what is really going on in the Authority headquarters. This makes Rosalyn madder than a cut snake! She rushes at Luna, but swallows a fly in the process. That fly is Sam, who quickly shifts back into his human form, making Rosalyn’s death a literal explosion! Sam turns around just in time to see Luna faint. Is she going to make it?
Bill watches Salome via security cameras as she approaches Lilith’s blood. It will be interesting to see what happens when she drinks it.
Tara and Sookie find Pam, but they need to wait for Nora and Eric to open the cells. It takes time (Jason manages to take out another vampire while he’s waiting), but soon they are free. Tara and Pam throw themselves at each other – can anyone say ‘Hot new romance for Season 6‘?
Bill and Salome seem oblivious to what is going on around them as they discuss what Lilith wants. Eventually Salome downs Lilith’s blood and it seems we will discover what effect that will have on her.
Except, we are now taken back to Sookie and the gang. Jason has made up his mind about Jessica – it seems he can no longer stomach the undead. Eric and Nora meet up with them. Eric and Sookie decide to rescue Bill, and the rest escape Authority headquarters.
Ah, now we find out what has happened to Salome. It seems she is weakened by it and Bill is taking great pleasure in telling her about all the silver he put in Lilith’s blood. Apparently Salome was too excited about the upcoming rapture to notice it. Bill then goes on to stake Salome – is that a vial of blood he has? Oh my goodness, is he going to drink Lilith’s blood himself now?
Eric and Sooke arrive and try to convince him not to drink the blood. It seems Bill truly has traveled to the dark side and says some completely horrible things to Sookie. Eric appears to be in complete shock. Bill rants about how he finally feels like he is no longer an abommination AND DRINKS LILITH’S BLOOD!
***If you haven’t yet seen the final episode and are Team Bill, look away now***
After spewing up blood, his head explodes and he melts down into a blood puddle. Sookie is in shock. Eric is horrified. I am screaming. My cat is running from the room in fright.
Eric tries to comfort Sookie. In the process, he notices movement in the Bill puddle. Bill rises up all bloody and naked and Billith. Is he a god now? Needless to say, Eric and Sookie panic. Eric tells Sookie to run. The credits appear.
(Photo Credit: HBO Inc.)
