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The Antidote to Real Celebrities Endorsing Fictional Medicine – Fictional Celebrities Endorsing Real Medicine!

Posted on the 16 August 2012 by Periscope @periscopepost


Darth Vader finds your lack of faith in scientifically proven medicine disturbing. Darth Vader finds your lack of faith in scientifically proven medicine medicine disturbing.

Celebrities are always endorsing something, no matter how ridiculous that something is. Witness the Mirror‘s latest puff piece on celebrities who endorse homeopathic medicines, observed Dean Burnett at his Brain Flapping blog at The Guardian.

For those not yet familiar with homeopathy, it’s essentially a form of alternative medicine that argues that if you are suffering from an illness, then you take a substance that is known to cause the same symptoms as the illness or malady (eg if you have insomnia, use caffeine), dilute this substance down to the point where there’s none of it left in the water, then shake that water or slap it with a leather book (depends on who you ask, it seems), then sprinkle drops of the shaken/slapped water onto sugar pills and sell it to the general public as medicine.

Thing is, I’m not even slightly exaggerating for comic effect, that’s how homeopathy supposedly works.

So Burnett proposed an alternative, “an equal-but-opposite reaction to an article which is essentially real celebrities endorsing a fictional medicine”: Fictional celebrities endorsing real medicine. Starting with Darth Vader, who intones, “Some say traditional medicine is dangerous or a scam. I find their lack of faith disturbing.”

Then there’s Sleeping Beauty, “princess”, age 116 (“allegedly”):

When I was 16 years old, I accidentally cut my finger on an archaic sewing machine which someone had left lying around. The infection I got from this rusty device ended up triggering an autoimmune response which attacked the areas of my brain that produce hypocretin, which lead to me developing my pronounced and persistent narcolepsy.

My being a princess meant my parents explained this embarrassing illness in someone of royal blood via some elaborate propaganda about fairies and a worryingly non-consensual “awakening” by my arranged husband, but the truth is that medical science came to my aid and helped me deal with my condition. I now take regular dexamphetamine sulphate to alleviate the symptoms, and have a prescribed sleep regimen to help me cope better with the disorder. I am now a functional adult, thanks to medical science.

Admittedly, there is the possible side effect of hallucinations, but when you live in a fairy tale castle it’s hard to tell whether that’s happening or not.

Are you tired of celebrities endorsing things that either have no scientific value (Power Bracelets) or are even potentially harmful (any diet pill ever)? Leave a comment!

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