Current Magazine

On UKIP’s New Alternative European Football Proposals…

Posted on the 19 March 2015 by Neilmonnery @neilmonnery

It has been a bad fortnight for English teams (and British – poor Celtic…) in European competition and after Everton’s shambolic defending against Dynamo Kiev tonight, the hopes of a British team lifting silverware in Europe is over for another season.

Both Chelsea and Arsenal dropped out of the Champions League following a defeat on the away goals rule. The rule has been about for ages and most competitions use it to some degree. I’m a fan of having no away goals in use at all, like the football league playoffs, but can also see the way that CONCACAF Champions League, MLS Cup Playoffs, AFC Champions League and AFC Cup use it, where away goals only count after ninety minutes and not after extra time, has its merits (in this scenario no team is penalised/advantaged by playing an extra thirty minutes at home/away from home).

Still the fact that two English sides went out of the Champions League on this rule has caused a stir. If it wasn’t for those peaky Europeans using the rules of the game against the good old English then all would be good with the world. Something had to be done. Well luckily for us UKIP appointed their very own football spokesman and used the position to show that they are a diverse group of people.

Welsh born but of Italian descent UKIP PPC for Fucking Britain, Gethin Da Netti (I know, its a stretch, I’m just not that imaginative) said that rules needed to be changed and under a UKIP led government, the away goals rule would be scraped. ‘After seeing the heroic departures of the gallant English sides (led by a Voyeur Frenchman and an angry Portuguese man – but still English damnit, they play in London), UKIP can now announce that they’ll be lobbying UEFA for a change in the away goals rule to ensure that away goals only count double for English teams and should that still not be enough, any English team that can recite the National Anthem will also get a bonus National Anthem goal in the event of ties.’

We believe that this proposal will ensure that fairness is applied to English teams in Europe because at the moment the situation is grossly unfair because English teams are forced to play in front of foreign crowds who chant in foreign languages and it is putting off the English players as they are trying to decode what these people are saying about their mothers.’

Wanting equality in European football isn’t a new thing for UKIP who even as far back as 1982, even before they existed, campaigned that Aston Villa should win the European Cup because they knew in the future they would become top flight also rans who were an afterthought and the people of Birmingham needed something to get them through what would be known as the ‘Paul Lambert years’.

In 1999 UKIP successfully argued that Manchester United should be allowed to score twice in injury time against Bayern Munich, because it would give Clive Tyldesley a chance to mention to Andy Townsend repeatedly about the Nou Camp in 1999 only to hear Andy remind Clive that it was actually Ron Atkinson who was along him that night as he was still playing, completing his second season at Middlesbrough.

UKIP have always sought to protect English teams in Europe. They were unsuccessful in their proposal to the European Parliament that only players who could down a Pie, Chips and Beans dinner with a pint of Guinness in five minutes should be allowed to play in the Champions League bill and were also unsuccessful when they lobbied UEFA to have all players tested for traces of paella before a match. They were close to getting through a law to ensure all Champions League players could name five words where the, ‘i before e except after c’ rule didn’t apply but then realised no English player would pass and quickly pulled it back off of the table.

Football is important and getting British teams further in European competitions is good for business and good for national pride. UKIP don’t care about the former because who gives a shit about business and the economy but ensuring that English people can go to foreign lands and act like prats to show Europeans whose boss, well that is ok.

It is yet to be seen whether or not this manifesto promise will lead to a sway in votes and a boost for the UKIP poll rating but it is also probably not the daftest (or most unbelievable) thing that has been associated with UKIP that you’ve read today – or any other day – and that my friend (or foes) is almighty depressing.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Please leave any comments or contact me directly via the E-Mail Me link on the Right Hand Nav. You can stay in touch with the blog following me on Twitter or by liking the blog on Facebook. Please share this content via the Social Media links below if you think anyone else would enjoy reading.


You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Gorgeous Video Fairytale Wedding Mykonos

    Today, we’re sharing with you a fairytale wedding video in Mykonos that you will love! Gaelle and Habib sealed their love in a wonderful outdoor venue... Read more

    10 hours, 44 minutes ago by   Eleni Balkouli
    LIFESTYLE, TRAVEL, WEDDING
  • Cameraless and Twitchy

    Cameraless Twitchy

    On the advice of my friend Cory, I've taken my camera to a professional for cleaning. (Who knew fungus could grow on lenses?) I'll be cameraless for about ten... Read more

    11 hours, 16 minutes ago by   Vickilane
    CREATIVITY, PHOTOGRAPHY
  • Boho Indian Styled Shoot on the Beach

    Boho Indian Styled Shoot Beach

    Today, we’re sharing with you a boho, Indian styled shoot by the beach, so if you’re a free spirit and a boho-lover you’re going to love this as much as we do! Read more

    12 hours, 16 minutes ago by   Eleni Balkouli
    LIFESTYLE, TRAVEL, WEDDING
  • Summertime Neurology Blues

    Summertime Neurology Blues

    We hit the road last week for another trek to see the neurologist. We usually enjoy these long rides up into the heart of Arkansas, but it seems we can’t... Read more

    15 hours, 22 minutes ago by   Livingwithss
    HEALTH
  • My New Boyfriend and Current Running Status

    Boyfriend Current Running Status

    Long time, no blogging. Well, still not running over here. Turns out the PT wants me to be able to do single leg squats on my "bad leg" for two minutes before... Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Brisdon
    ATHLETICS, FITNESS
  • Sedo Weekly Sales Led by SecureChain.com

    Sedo reported their weekly sales and SecureChain.com led the way at $30,000. OnlineCasino.mx was the number two sale at 19,600 Euros. ($22,715). 59 .com sales 1... Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Worldwide
    BUSINESS, TECH
  • Woodinville Straight Bourbon Review

    Woodinville Straight Bourbon Review

    Woodinville Straight Bourbon is made in Washington and the distillery is one of LVMH’s (Glenmo and Ardbeg) latest acquisitions. Read more

    The 19 June 2018 by   Josh Peters
    DRINK

Paperblog Hot Topics

Magazines