Humor Magazine

Old Habits Die Hard; Or Dolly Picks the Wildcats for the Win

By Pearl
At the end of a long day, one often spent figuratively chained to a corporation, I find it refreshing to arrive home in time to find one’s pet at the kitchen table.  Perched atop a stool and hunched over a sheet of paper, Dolly Gee looks up as I enter – and hastily blows her cigarette smoke out the window.
I frown. 
I thought we had discussed how I feel about smoking in the house.
Dolly Gee Squeakers, formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers, grins sheepishly.  On an income derived primarily of her Ebay sales of collectible, souvenir ashtrays and matchbooks, she has recently taken to rolling her own.  She takes one last, hasty hit, then leans forward, extinguishes a tiny zeppelin-shaped smoke.  The ashtray, just one of many, is a turquoise blue sombrero. 
I reach a hand out, scratch her behind a little black ear.  “What’s goin’ on, Dolly?”
Dolly leans into my hand, nose first, runs the side of her face along it in a fashion I know to be territorial yet prefer to believe is merely affectionate.  She shrugs, a charming gesture in a small, fuzzy animal, and points at the paper she’d been working on Wednesday. 
NCAA Basketball Tournament.
I shake my head, then stop myself.  Last year’s debacle, wherein the cat had bet more than she could afford to lose, left her smoking cigarettes in two- and three-hit increments, snubbing them out only to relight them later.  “Can’t control yourself, huh?” 
She shrugs again.  Teased relentless as a kitten for her lisp, she studiously circumvents all sibilant syntax.
I turn, head back into the living room.  “You lived from paw to maw last year,” I say over my shoulder.  “Remember?  There wasn’t tuna for weeks.”  I put my purse on the chair, turn back.  We stare at each other, each of us framed by the doorway between the kitchen and the living room.  “You know I don’t mean to interfere,” I say softly.  “But you turned that in, didn’t you?  What did it cost you?”
Dolly clears her throat, raises a paw and presses it silently against her lips.  Shhhhhhh.  She pushes the sheet toward me, pointing.
I step back into the kitchen.  “Kentucky Wildcats,” I read. 
I look at her.  “Everyone’s picking the Wildcats,” I say. 
She nods, grinning, her tiny little teeth visible. 
“What about the Badgers?” I ask.  “They were all you could talk about at dinner last night.”
It’s true.  Dolly spoke so incessantly on the subject, including assertions that became rather hysterical on the theory that she, Dolly, was surely part badger, that Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) finally arose, went to the kitchen sink, and turned the hose on her.
She shrugs again. 
I sigh.  You can raise them, but you can’t tell them what to do.  “So do you have a system this year?  Are you back to big mascots versus little mascots?  Attractive uniforms over non?”
Dolly taps the side of her nose with one fuzzy paw.  “I got a thythtem.” 
I shake my head, smiling, head back into the living room.  I finish taking off my coat, my shoes.  And then I head into my bedroom, where I check my sock drawer to ensure that, as I do every year, there’s a hidden can of tuna in Dolly’s name.
In celebration or consolation, only time will tell.
Old Habits Die Hard; or Dolly Picks the Wildcats for the Win

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Christians Believe Jesus Physically Rose From The Dead – Right?

    Christians Believe Jesus Physically Rose From Dead Right?

    Written by faithandselfdefense We should not be surprised that atheists, agnostics, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and other non-Christians do not believe in... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Mmcgee
  • Cheers to the Weekend: Nectarine Thyme Whiskey Cocktails

    Cheers Weekend: Nectarine Thyme Whiskey Cocktails

    Hey! Hi! Hello! It's time for another installment of Cheers to the Weekend, when we chat life over wine or cocktails. This weekend, I'm serving up Nectarine... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Withthegrains
  • Restaurant Marketing Tips in 2018

    Get a Website A website is a MUST for any business. Maybe one of the most important restaurant marketing tips we can offer. Without a website, how can people... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Ironwood Finance
  • Best Things A Student Can Do To Make Money In Nigeria

    The stress of being a student in Nigeria is hectic. From the lecture hall to the library, buying textbooks and handouts, reading, paying your school fees,... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Naijapary
  • Day Trip: Ten Hours In Austin, TX

    It was 12:15 pm when my plane touched down at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport. A jet-lagged stranger in a strange place, I wondered what Austin, TX migh... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Davedtc
  • Bionova Vitamin E Cream Review

    Bionova Vitamin Cream Review

    Even after been into skincare from the past few years I have never had a chance to use a special vitamin E cream. Not that it never crossed my mind, but with... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Skincarevilla
  • Friday Q&A: Can You Straighten Your Spine?

    Friday Q&A: Straighten Your Spine?

    Q: I have a question regarding the spine. In my yoga class, the teacher often tells us to "keep a tall spine" or "Keep your spine straight". I can understand th... Read more

    The 21 September 2018 by   Ninazolotow