Health Magazine

No Asparagus Spears in Britney's Bag of Groceries!

Posted on the 23 February 2013 by Fadi Bejjani @DrFadiBejjani
Imagine for a second what BS's grocery list did to the supply of tomatoes, ham, chicken, bread and 2% milk! Nationwide, housewives are cursing her because she singlehandedly increased the cost of these basic groceries by bumping up the demand and creating a supply shortage. Isn't capitalism wonderful? Even more wonderful is the power we have given the machines over our lives.
I am being facetious because this machine addiction is bad news. It breeds sleuth, contempt, distorted reality and poisoned values. Let us pause for a second and ponder the meaning of how and why a simple grocery list went viral on the Internet, got tweeted worldwide and youtubed. Doesn't it mean that way too many people, of school or work age, have NOTHING BETTER TO DO in this country? Doesn't this alarming fact trouble you beyond belief and makes you fearful about our future and our next generation? There should be as a major SPEARITED national debate on the topic,
They have so much idle time, at achool or work (i am convinced the seniors staid out of it), that a simple piece of paper listing ham, milk and tomatoes goes viral! If that is the case we definitely need a vaccine against this TWEETNET virus. It is gaining virulence everyday and developing more and more resistant strands. It is becoming as deadly as the eBOLA virus causing uncontrollable and unstoppable hemorrhages of brain, talent, time, and money.
A crumbled sheet of paper gets SPEARITED AWAY into YouTube and the world stands still, baffled by the high viral count streaming through the fiber optics. So many years have passed from The Tube to YouTube. The canons of newsworthiness are definitely NO canons of Navarone these days. Anything goes and public clamor is so trigger-sensitive that the Trumpet Shall Sound despite all common sense or cooth. The citizens are machine-bound and there is NO TRIVIA TOO SMALL for this juggernaut.
Another "Food" for thought is the sudden discovery that BS is not just that but also an actual living breathing human and a mom. She is not a parallel species but a grocery-going, bag-toting, list-writing, chicken-eating, baby-feeding housewife. Can we all live with this befuddling eye-opening revelationcooth What will this do to the star-starved HOI POLLOI? A myth is outed, a legend is trivialized.
My optimistic self did come up with a number of aphorisms and slogans to better coin this historical moment:
Assparrogant Spears Inspires the idle masses
Britney Spears cuts her B S and turns Tweetie Bird on SMS
A Star is fleeting...a Mom is born

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog