Those of you who follow my blogknow by nowwe are in wedding mode at our house.
After a most romantic engagementlast Septemberand a memorableengagement party last Novemberwe are now in the throes of real planning …
It has taken me a while to really be excited at the prospectandI just couldn't put my finger on why.
I couldn't be happier with my daughter's choicein the man she is going to marry.He is such a hard working young manwith true character and integrity and loves my daughter dearly.
Trust me
he makes this momma's heart feel truly blessed.
I wondered if my reluctance in excitementhad to do with the money involvedbut that has all been addressedand taken care of.So that is definitely not it.
Then for a momentI even winced at the possibility(God forbid)that maybe my lack of enthusiasmwas because I had turned into a self centered womanwho was only interested in thingscentering on herself.But then I quickly rememberedI would do anything for my children…so that definitely (thank heavens)wasn't it either.
So what is it I have wondered.
I don't even think I know for sure.Maybe it's a lot of different layers that I need to pull backso that I can truly savor every moment
of
being
Mother of the Bride.
I wonder …if I thought by the time of my daughters weddinglife would be lined up perfectly.What ever that means.
I rememberwhen I realized I was pregnant with my daughterI had the thought that I should have had my life perfectly lined upand be a real grownup
before having childrenBut I was only me at the time.
And
now I know
having life perfectly lined up
is only
a misconceptions of youth.
Maybe planning a wedding for one childwhen anotherhas chosen to be estranged from our familyis a lot like the holidays.A huge mirrored reflectionof the searing pain in my heartthat never goes awayandat bestcan
on the good days
be boxed up
and
buried deep inside my heartin order to be ableto move through my days.
Maybe I have yet to update myidea ofthe mother of the bridefrom when I was youngand
it all sounded just so old and irrelevant to me.
OrMaybeI am dragging my feet
emotionallybecause I really just can't stand the idea of letting go of my little girl.Ever.
I do know for me stopping to reflect and examine my emotionson the subject of being the Mother of the Bridedoes give me clarityand by doing soI can hang them out on the linein such a way that I can claim
all of them as mineand by doing sorelease themfrom making their way subtly into the wedding planning.
Because
the bottom line is
I have tremendous love for my girl
and
will do
Every. Thing. in my power
to ensure
she has not just
a beautiful
memorable
soulful
wedding
full of love
and
sacred moments
but
I want the
journey
getting there
to be filled with the same.
Trust me
this
momma here
will
definitely be rising to the
sacred position of
Momma of the Bride.
So I can leave her a legacy
of
cherished love.
So she will
have it in her own heart
to pass on to her children.
To me
that's what this is all about.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you style your life
