Self Expression Magazine

My Mother Is All Bugged Out/My Enemies Tried To Use My Own Mother Against Me In Order To Bring Me Down And Failed!

By Latoya @latoyallawrence

1443226-200As I have said before, my mother had her first mental breakdown when I was about seven or eight. The incident occurred while black magic was being worked on her during the early eighties.

She was diagnosed as manic depressive back then and she told me that the only reason that she was put on medication was because she was going to whip this woman employee’s behind who had acted very rude towards her so the Creedmoor psychiatric facility had against her will given her some anti psychotic or sedative medicine to calm her down.

My mother and I have always been very different in character even though we were able to relate to one another within certain aspects. She had always loved me very dearly because I was so very smart and so very unique and so very strong, and of course because I was her baby.

When I was a child I loved her for who I knew her to be as a mother yet there were certain things that I did not like about her and as I grew older I really did not love her at all the way that she loved me.

My mother’s illness and personality often got into the way and I would over look it still standing by her side and treating her without any prejudice or judgements. She had always loved me, cared for me, and treated me good and I appreciated that and that was all that mattered and that was all that was important at the time.

Even though I was very young I tried the best to take her unfortunate circumstances into consideration since we were both related to people in our family who were of a no good character and who were out to get us spiritually, and physically. We had a good close relationship.

I did not care about what she did in life or what had happened to her it was about the ways in how she treated me.

My mother would not have come as far in life if it wasn’t for me being there and helping her out. She has even expressed to me in the past (even again just the year before last) that if it wasn’t for me she could not have gone on.

I am not going to get into our entire life story but to make a long story short people have always been very jealous of my mother and I. It all originated with particular members of the family Amanda Byars ( my great grandmother deceased now) Willie Lawrence (my uncle deceased now) Ernestine Lawrence (my aunt still alive now). They were all dope addicts and street-runners, liars, and trouble-makers.

My mother, Patricia Lawrence had stopped taking her medication in the early part of April 2013 and began to get severely paranoid and delusional throughout and towards the end of the rest of the year. My mother had never been that long without taking her medication.

In the past, when she’d skip her medications it wasn’t for such a long period of time and after a two-week period of hospitalization she’d come back to her normal self.

It was a diagnosis of bipolar in the distant past, however, for a while now she has been diagnosed as a Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenic.

I cannot put her situation totally on mental illness because I know without a doubt that it is the affects/effects of black magic that had been previously worked on her last year and that is currently being maintained on her now.

Our enemies could not and will never ever get me because I am too strong and too equip in the mind yet poor Patricia was vulnerable to their tactics and has turned on me.

“I know exactly who is doing this evil and why and I know the others who are involved here is a hint to one who is partially involved and some of the reasons are because of a bitch or two or three that I dogged out on the internet amongst other non related motives. It’s a combination of things”:

When people are too smart and of a good-nature evil miserable rotten people will do everything within their power to destroy their reputation or credibility by driving them crazy (by making them lose their minds/giving them breakdowns) lying on them to destroy and ruin their character (mind games/psychological manipulation).

All of these things are aided by black magic when these people cannot break a person down in any other way naturally.

I do not think that my mother will ever turn back into her normal self and if she does it will be too late because I have no type of respect or love for her. She is straight up trash just like her grandmother, brother and sister.

Patricia goes in and out of it, talking out of her head, accusing me of being against her, spitefully lying on me, forgetting what she says and does. Just last month she told me “I love you so much”. Then this month she told me “You’re a liar, I never said that!”

The doctor’s and social workers all tell me that I am not alone that NAMI is a support group for and with people who go through the same thing with their mentally ill relatives. I do understand that, however, mental illness is indeed a very deep and ugly burden but it is not mine to bear and I do not want any part of it especially one that is induced by forms of black magic.

People in my Mother’s situation do nothing but cause confusion and bring trouble to the innocent one. “Not really”, someone at a mental crisis facility told me in response to that statement in which I had also made to this person I was speaking to over the phone. “These professionals (police, ems and etc…) that they talk to know that they are sick”.

“What about the professionals who are sick too in there own little ways?” I say.

Nowadays it is up to the EMS (Emergency Medical Technicians-Paramedics) to evaluate a person before they decided whether or not to take an individual into a psychiatric facility, not the police. The EMS should not have that type of authority, I came across some corrupt ones just as I have some policemen and women. There are no good sick people in all fields of work who cannot be trusted, I firsthand experienced their style.

You just have to be extra careful these days and watch your back.

People use to come to me years ago and tell me “You know you are the only one with any sense in the family”, and that was definitely the truth. Not that I put any faith into what people say or gossip about as I know many of those same people would gossip about me in other subjects since I was of a higher class and they could not bring me down due to the fact that they did not understand me.

Do not get me wrong-I never thought that everybody was against me because not everybody was, and not everybody is against me. That would be an absurd statement to make and a false one at that. I on my own just had to clarify that because some may misinterpret how I express myself-there are people who always believed in me, who were for me, and who still have my back.

And even though I had already knew that I was the only one who wasn’t messed up what could I do?  They (my family) all had done forms of drugs, smoked, drank, and indulged with men through their own lustful and insecure desires.

They all (my mother and her siblings) took a very bad genetic group of traits from their very mentally ill and sick grandmother, Amanda Byars.

I was never like any of them and am so very proud of that I took after my mother’s mother side of the family. I wish that my grandmother Catherine Lawrence (deceased now) had never married and had any children with Amanda Byars’s son Willie Mason Lawrence deceased now) because she fucked up the bloodline.

It doesn’t matter anyhow in regards to me though because my Orishas and Ancestors got me. My bloodline is strong and pure and no negative energy or any negative people can or will be able to destroy me and our family circle.

(I still have good distant relatives who are still alive they just live in different other states than I do)

They got my mother and they can have her. She is just a burden that I will not allow to tie me down with her lies, delusions, conniving, paranoia, and crafty talk against me and to get over. Even if my mother is not totally aware of what she is doing due to the spells that are  upon her she is not someone healthy for me to be around.

When I put her in the hospital recently the last few times I felt a great weight of peace and relief. In other words the only connection that my enemies have with me is through her because she is now totally demonic just like them and has to be dismissed away from my life as we are not of one another and I am just delighted by that.

It is so sad that my mother has been seized and attacked but I am so glad that I was not caught up into the mist. When she first had the breakdown years ago the demonic seed was planted and now it has blossomed and manifested it’s ugly heads.

Once the seed is planted and embedded it is reoccurring, ongoing, permanent. When the seed is not planted-as in my case-since the positive energies around me never let the seeds of black magic and/or demonic activity take pivotal root within my spirit and auric field.

I kiss the “crazy” Lawrence family goodbye once and for all!

No one could ever steal my true identity (my natural self) away from me and as I always wanted to spread the beauty of my own independent and unconventional wings quietly I had to separate myself from all negative demons even if it meant letting go of all maternal ties to my mother.

I do not even recognize what was left of Patricia Lawrence anymore.

Someone told me not to abandon my mother and not to let these enemies do her in but I disagree, my mother is not as spiritual as me. She had a gift, it wasn’t nowhere near as strong as mine but she let them get inside her head and sway her mind like a puppet/a rag doll and I am tired.

What good is she to me? She is just an anchor ready to sink me down into the muddy rivers of a ship that is right along with her and I darn sure ain’t gonna let that shit happen!

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