Love & Sex Magazine

Love Advice for Women Who Want to Hang on Their Spouse: Try Communicating in Their World

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

Love Advice for Women

Why just today it seemed that almost everyone who came into my office had this problem. Communication was falling on deaf ears and no one was moving forward. Everyone wanted to know, what caused this?

Several factors, of course, lead to a breakdown in communication.  But it mostly boils down to not seeing the problem from their spouse’s perspective.

In my second book: He Said She Said I Said- 7 Keys to Relationship Success this very issue is core. It’s a message I’ve mentioned in my blog before, and it’s one that we all Communication problems that land a couple in a therapist office.need to practice on an ongoing basis. It’s so easy to get into bad communication habits if we’re not careful, so it’s one I’ll keep talking about!

Two people come into a relationship with distinct ways of viewing and reacting to the word. They bring with them childhood messages, religious views, personality traits and more. These views often determine the way they relate with each other. Maybe they’ve come from an argumentative environment, or maybe they’ve come from an environment where conflict was avoided at all costs. When a couple gets caught up in the dance of their relationship, it often becomes what they think is happening instead of what is really going on it their partner’s world.

To avoid this trap from engulfing you, try some understanding and gentle questioning to take a peek at your spouse’s perspective while suspending yours.

Love Advice for Women (and Men!) For Better Communication

  1. Ask him or her to explain more of what they are seeing or feeling. Information is key. The more you can get a glimpse of their world the better chance you have of understanding.
  2. Let them know you get it by paraphrasing it back. Check for accuracy. Be open for more information.
  3. Show a care and concern and a willingness to try something new. Validate his concern, show that you know the importance for him, even though it may not be a priority for you.
  4. Allow time for listening without distractions.  Find a place and time without kids or cell phones ringing.
  5. Ask him what he needs from you. Find one small request that you can honor in the here and now.

Whether you are currently in a relationship, thinking about entering one, or in a long term marriage, these points will serve you well. And may just be the very thing that creates a happily ever after relationship from becoming a thing of the past.

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