The title of this blog post pretty much sums up how I'm feeling right now. In fact, I've felt like this for some time, in most areas of my life. As I'm getting older and trying new things out, I notice that I'm never great at what I put my mind to, but just 'ok'. But sometimes 'ok' doesn't feel enough.
I remember when I was younger, more so in primary school, I frequently used to get top marks in class, and I began to feel super intelligent. I used to love school, doing my homework and generally being academic. As I got older and hit 6th form/university, I realised that I was no longer that whizz kid that my parents made me out to be, but just an average kinda girl in terms of intelligence. As time progressed, I was being surrounded more and more by people that were a lot more intelligent than me, and had gained a lot more in their life than me.
Fast forward a few more years, and with education behind me, I now turn my hand to hobbies. I'm a very creative person and love getting crafty! However, I've noticed no matter what hobby I turn to, my skills are just 'ok'.
Lets take sewing. I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas one year - I really struggled to work it and found it so complicated and felt that there was so much to remember that I gave in. Last summer I attended a 10 week sewing bee evening course - admittedly the teacher wasn't great, but neither were my skills, and I quit after 6 weeks because I just felt like I wasn't 'good enough'.
Then there was the time that I had this great idea of starting up my own business and put my creative side to some use. Like always, I went into this idea with all guns blazing and spent over £100 on arts and crafts items without a solid enough plan, set up an Etsy shop on a whim for everything to be a complete waste. I remember spending 6 hours decoupaging a shabby chic key holder. I thought it was pretty good for a first attempt but after attempting to sell it and not receiving any interest, again I felt like it was yet another thing to add to the failure list.
My Youtube channel and blog is yet another thing that I have put so much time and effort into in the past, for it to just flump. Although I am aware that my blog is definitely not up to the standard of a lot of blogs out there, I also see a hell of a lot of blogs that I think are, lets just say 'lacking', and yet their audience stats are crazy. Its these times that I sometimes think 'what's the point?'. I often sit and ask myself 'what am I doing wrong?'. I know its not all about the figures, but someday it'd be great if I could make a bit of 'pocket money' from my blog, so actually figures such as these do matter to me. I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how much effort I put into something and promote it, it never gets a second glance.
Another one of my hobbies is comping. I love entering competitions. Not the standard 'fill this form out' competition, but ones that are asking for something creative. I've been pretty lucky over the past few years, bagging myself all inclusive holidays abroad, hotel stays, vouchers, clothes etc, but now even the competition for this (no pun intended!) is high, so when I see others entries, I instantly think 'I'm never going to be able to beat that' and give up there and then. Because of this, my hobby has slowly dwindled.
Today's society is full of fierce competition, and it's becoming harder and harder to get yourself noticed, in all areas. Applying for jobs, trying to make a business and sell your products, education levels, creativity. The lot. The quote 'Anything you can do, I can do better' comes to mind. I'm always prepared to give things a bash, but it always seems to flop and disappear into nothing. Either that or there's someone not so far away that stands out from the crowd and makes your life achievements look pitiful.
Maybe a part of it is my fault; my lack of patience and wanting everything done yesterday, my lack of willpower and the fact that I give in too easily.
Some say it's better to be a 'Jack of all Trades, Master of None' because its better to be just 'ok' at a lot of things, as opposed to being a 'master' at just one thing, but sometimes I'm not so sure...
Does anyone else ever think this way?
