Culture Magazine

Left Stranded and Penniless in Brighton by a Nationally Famous British Comedian

By Thejohnfleming @thejohnfleming
Bob Slayer atop speakers and Martin Soan on stage

Bob Slayer atop speakers and Martin Soan on stage last night

I have been seeing too many naked men recently, often in threes. Last night was no exception.

I was in South London to see the Greatest Show on Legs perform their naked balloon dance. On this occasion, the Greatest Show on Legs were Martin Soan, Bob Slayer and Adam Larter. Bob Slayer inevitably went and socialised with the audience during the nude dance. And Adam Larter had a set of home-made kazoo-powered bagpipes containing a feather duster.

Vivienne Soan and Adam Larter last night

Vivienne Soan and Adam Larter last night

Adam Larter is an hairy man. I think it is almost cheating if you perform the naked balloon dance and you are that hairy. You are not being nude; you are performing in an aspiring hair suit. In the middle of Adam Larter’s back, there is a fairly hairless oval gap where, I think, he should have a tattooed face peeking through the foliage-type hair.

I did wonder if his hairiness had been built by Martin Soan as one of his props.

Last night’s show also involved Martin’s wife Vivienne, Stephen Frost, and David Don’t recreating the 1812 Overture (with multiple explosions) on-stage and Martin’s oft-remarked-on performance of Riverdance which, last night unexpectedly involved decapitation and an animated toy apparently committing fellatio on him.

No-one sleeps through Martin’s acts.

The Greatest Show On Legs, as with most of Martin acts, involved a lot of props so I helped him drive them home.

On the way, I said: “That blog a few days ago about Malcolm Hardee leaving you stranded at a petrol station seemed to go down well.”

“Well, Aaaa Bbbb left me stranded in Brighton,” Martin replied.

Aaaa Bbbb is a nationally-famous British comedian. You are unlikely to guess who it is.

“When did this happen?” I asked Martin.

“This was before Aaaa Bbbb was a household name. He was becoming quite famous and quite a bit of a darling and obviously going to get TV work. But this was a double bill down at The Pavilion in Brighton – The Greatest Show On Legs and Aaaa Bbbb.

“The Greatest Show On Legs went down a storm and Aaaa Bbbb basically died on his arse.”

“Was he doing his political stuff?” I asked.

“If you can call it that,” said Martin. “It wasn’t really political. I don’t think so. But I felt sorry for him, so I went through to his dressing room and said Ah, well done, man! Well done! and we all ended up at this party at the house of the guy who had organised the gig.

“Aaaa Bbbb said to me Do you know anywhere I can get some dope? So I said Yes.

“The rest of The Legs were shooting off  back to London because, the next morning, we were going off to Yorkshire. So I said to Aaaa Bbbb, Look, The Legs are shooting off now, so I can pick this dope up for you if you want, but you’re going to have to promise that you’ll wait for me and give me a lift back to London. 

“He said, Sure. No problem.

“I went and picked up the dope, got back to the party. But Aaaa Bbbb had fucked off. I had no money and a half ounce of dope. I had to hitch back to London. I never really like him after that, because he dumped on me big time.”

“Well clearly,” I said, “I can’t name him in my blog. So what would you say his career was like after that?”

“Obviously, he went on from strength to strength,” said Martin. “People do.”

“How many other people have left you stranded?” I asked.

“Not many,” said Martin. “It happens to everyone now and again, doesn’t it?”

“Does it?” I asked.


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