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It’s May, Which, Of Course Means, It’s Time To Ask Yourself: “Does My Dog Need A Tattoo?”

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews reports that New Yorkers everywhere are getting trendy tattoos for their dogs, often on the hindquarters, a.k.a. “tramp stamp” position.

Don’t worry, the tattoos are temporary, and from what we gather reading the article, also safe, unless your dog is generally stupid and tries to eat the tattoo and you got it somewhere that makes tattoos out of non-dog friendly ingredients, like rat poison.

So don’t get your dog a tattoo from a rat in a New York City subway.

3 Tattoos We Don’t Want To See On Dogs

1.  Anything in Asian characters when the dog’s owner can’t read any Asian characters. Your dog especially will not be happy with a tattoo calling it a “power piglet,” which, incidentally, a real person who couldn’t read Asian characters unknowingly had inked on their body. Since your dog can’t read Asian characters either, chances are, best case scenario, it will feel the same way when others who can read Kanji mock it walking down the street. Worst case scenario: you have a super-genius dog who will be able to read it, and enjoy Sunday drives by the pork-rendering plant far less.

2. IKEA product assembly instructions. As we frequently report, these are not fun to read, especially when you are trying to get your dog to sit still while assembling a cat bathtub to remove the temporary tattoo your cat likes less than the bath you plan on giving it.

3. IKEA meat product labels. As we also frequently write, these aren’t always reportedly accurate. Come, on, how can you confuse “elk” with “pork?” (Tattoo artists who permanently put words like “power piglet” on human bodies need not answer this one.)

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