The NY Times ran a fun piece “It’s me or the dog,” written by a single guy whose girlfriend wasn’t interested in sharing the bed with his dog. They had a long-distance relationship, so at first, his girlfriend was too jet lagged to make it an issue or maybe just happy to have some time with him. However over time she began to address her consternation that his dog was allowed to sleep in his bed, as though it were the dog’s bed too. Apparently where she hails from (England) this just isn’t done, or is only allowed if someone is “single.” Now technically this writer is single, however, his girlfriend is clearly making a decision that when a couple is sharing the bed, the dog is a fifth wheel. Dogs are dogs and they are supposed to sleep somewhere else, like on the floor.
His girlfriend has made the point repeatedly that she likes the dog and she even warms to the idea that he has a nurturing side. However, “Whiskey’ feels like a third person is in bed with them and this makes her feel uncomfortable. The author did some research and found that sharing a bed with one’s pooch is not something new or specific just to our culture here in America. He found that this practice goes back to ancient Greece and that royalty, including English royalty, shared their beds with their canine companions.
Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) cautions against teaching the dog that your bed is their bed. Instead, it should be open to invitation. Good luck with that one. My dog clearly thinks it’s her bed and acts annoyed if she gets bumped by our feet or we ask her to shift her position. Mr Millan also said that if one partner is tense about the dog sleeping there, it will make the dog tense and uncomfortable. Maybe the other partner as well?
The author also consulted Dr. Stanley Coren, author of The intelligence of Dogs to get his take. He says it doesn’t hurt a dog at all to be asked to sleep elsewhere, they are adaptable and just happy to have a spot nearby. Dr. Coren acknowledges that dogs love the closeness and contact, but will handle any limits and roll with them, apparently not so for some partners.
Dr Bruno Chomel a veterinarian weighed in on the dangers of co-sleeping with one’s pet, due to parasites and infections that dogs can carry. Imagine a reluctant co-sleeper ending up with parasites—few relationships would survive that. Donna Pall, a psychotherapist recommends that the dog be removed from the bed when a partner comes along. Her take is that the relationship with the dog can be so close as to lead to jealousy or to make a new partner feel second best. Wow, who knew that dealing with a dog in a new relationship could be as complicated as learning how to interact with and share him/her with their kids?
My take? If your new partner doesn’t like your dog, it could point to a basic incompatibility. After all, if you love dogs and he/she barely tolerates them, what happens if you marry, your dog dies and you want a new puppy, your kids want a puppy, etc? it could also point to different standards for cleanliness, lifestyle arrangements, need for boundaries, ability to nurture and go with the flow. And if YOUR DOG doesn’t like the new partner, RUN. It’s not a good sign unless your dog is one of those overly-attached, neurotic dogs who sees a dog psychiatrist and is on meds for depression and/or separation anxiety. Then you might want to consider getting rid of the new relationship AND the dog.
Want to read this piece? You can find it here
