Have you ever wanted something so badly that its all you think about. Day and night. You go to sleep thinking about it. You wake up thinking about it. But it’s too emotional you can’t talk about it. That’s what it was like when we decided to try for a baby. I already had a 5 year old (not my partners). So I did feel lucky. She was my life but I still felt empty.
After trying for a year. A year of tears and feeling inadequate every single month I went to the GP. I had blood test after blood test. Which showed nothing. I Was referred to fertility clinic who did some tests of their own. They discovered I only had one ovary, how the hell had I got to 30 and not known. And that one was covered in cysts. Which I had an operation to laser and burst them.
Meanwhile hubby had sperm tests. To discover in their words they were extremely slow swimmers. In a way that was probably easier as neither one of us were to blame. We both were. But it was so hard to live with. It seemed like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. It would never happen.
How many times we decided we just couldn’t go through any more. We were stressed. Every conversation centred on babies. All our friends were having babies. And another friend was using abortion almost like contraception. This isn’t a for or against abortions lecture or even a she shouldn’t have done it. But it was heartbreaking I was trying so hard and some had sex once and were pregnant and didn’t even want to be. Life felt so unfair.
The clinic was in a house not the hospital which was nice. I was given Clomid which didn’t make me ovulate enough so I had to inject myself every day. How do you stick needles into yourself until your whole body is bruised and sore? Yet every day you do
I had to go for a scan every month when I was ovulating to check I hadn’t produced too many eggs, once was even 10pm on a Sunday night.
Hubby had to fill little pots to be injected into me. Not the most pleasant but it had to be done. And he did. Time after time.
Eventually we were told this had to be our final attempt. We were gutted. It just wasn’t ever going to happen. Everything had been for nothing. So 14 days later I took the test. Positive. I screamed I cried. I didn’t believe it. I went for another test.And another and another. I rang the clinic had bloods taken. Definitely pregnant. Nothing can come close to seeing those words. We had finally done it.
We told our parents but were too scared to tell anybody until after 5 weeks we had a scan and it was there. It was real. We were having a baby.
The staff at the clinic were totally amazing. And 7 yearrs later I still go to see them with my not so little 6 yr old baby. Who must have fixed whatever didn’t work cos can you imagine our surprise a year later to find out I was pregnant again. I now have the perfect family. My 2 girls and my little monkey (sorry little boy)
If you are struggling to conceive just don’t give up. We nearly did so many times. And we will be forever grateful that we persevered.
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mom who is a member of my Facebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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