Can you use the power of silence after a break-up to get an ex back?
Silence is a very powerful thing.
Sometimes when you don't say anything, it can be louder than when you do say something.
When you keep silent, it can mean many different things to different people.
Some people view it as strength and composure.
While some people view it as arrogance and a lack of care.
However, when it comes to breakups...
Silence can be a very powerful and effective way to get your ex back.
However, silence has to be used in the right way.
Because when used wrongly, it can give the wrong perception to your ex.
But when used correctly, it can help you reunite your relationship with your ex again.
So how do you know when to use silence to win your ex back?
How do you even know if you should even use silence after your break up?
How should you even use silence to get your ex back?
And what should you do once the silence is broken and your ex reaches out to you?
In this post, I will get into the details of how you can use silence to get your ex back in your situation.
Let's dive right in.
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The Power of Silence After A Break-up
So what exactly does it mean to have silence after a breakup?
And why does it help to get your ex back?
So first of all, silence can mean a few things:
- Getting into the No Contact Rule on your ex after a bad breakup
- Having Limited Contact on your ex
- Withdrawing from contact after building a good connection with your ex
The No Contact Rule
If you're not familiar with the No Contact Rule, otherwise known as NC Rule...
It's a rule that states that you should not contact your ex after the breakup for a minimum of 30 days.
And the reason you want to use the NC Rule is often that you had a bad breakup with your ex.
Most of the time when two people break up, it's not an amicable breakup.
That means it's usually one party that is against the breakup.
And it's usually you.
And when that happens, chances are that you might get emotional and say and do things to push your ex away.
For example, here are a few things that push an ex away:
- Begging and pleading
- Asking for a second chance
- Getting angry and upset
- Showing neediness and desperation
- Using guilt to try and get your ex to change their mind
- Threatening your ex
- Anything that makes your ex feel negative towards you
When you have done either of the above, then it's important to use the NC Rule.
By using the NC Rule, it lets you use the power of silence after the break-up to ultimately get your ex back.
Limited Contact
Sometimes, it's not entirely possible to use the NC Rule because you have constant contact with your ex...
Or you need to have constant contact with your ex due to certain obligations.
In this case, instead of using the NC Rule...
You use Limited Contact.
And what that means is to minimize contact as much as possible.
When you have Limited Contact, it means you can go for days without any contact with your ex.
This is important because if you and your ex can't help but have friction whenever there's contact...
Then using Limited Contact can be considered using the power of silence after a break-up to get your ex back.
Withdrawal After Positive Communication
The last way to use silence is to strategically withdraw after building positive communication with your ex.
This is a very advanced concept and strategy...
And when used correctly can help you get your ex back again.
The idea of withdrawing here is to let your ex build up thoughts of you in their mind.
However, this can only happen IF you have already build up positive communication with your ex.
Hence, this form of silence is only effective when you build up enough positive feelings in your ex towards you.
If your ex still feels negative towards you...
Then it's not considered a withdrawal, but instead doing the NC Rule.
So the difference between the NC Rule and using a Withdrawal is dependent on the last few communication points with your ex.
In short, if the last few contacts with your ex are negative...
Then going silent would be considered going into No Contact.
And if the last few contacts with your ex are positive...
Then going silent would be considered a Withdrawal.
And again, going into Withdrawal is utilizing the power of silence after a break-up to get your ex back.
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What's the Purpose of Using the Power of Silence After A Break-up?
So you might be wondering...
Why the real purpose of using the power of silence after a break-up?
Wouldn't silence only let your ex move on faster?
And what if there's not much time to get my ex back - wouldn't silence give my ex the opportunity to find someone else?
These are all valid questions and I want to address them here.
Why Use Silence
So first of all, the purpose of silence is to change your ex's negative perception towards you.
You see, the only reason that your ex broke up with you is that your ex has a negative perception of you now.
Somewhere along the lines in your relationship, things started to change.
That change could be that you have become needy and clingy...
Or that you became less interested in the relationship and didn't put much effort into making your ex feel happy...
Or that you started to say and do things to let your ex feel unhappy in the relationship.
Ultimately, your ex felt that you were no longer the same person that your ex first fell in love with...
And that made your ex have a negative perception towards you over time.
So when you become silent after the breakup...
It gradually removes the negative feelings your ex will have towards you.
For example, you will feel more negative towards someone who had just offended you today...
Compared to someone who had offended you a year ago.
That's because, after a year, the negative feelings you had towards that person have faded away.
And that's what silence can help you achieve after a breakup.
As time goes by, those negative feelings your ex have towards you will gradually fade as well.
When that happens, you can reconnect with your ex again to rebuild a positive connection.
And when you have a positive connection with your ex, that will let your ex consider getting back with you again.
And that all started by just simply being silent.
That's the power of silence after a break-up.
What If Your Ex Moves On During Silence
As for whether your ex might move on because of the silence...
Or that it would be too late to get your ex back if you don't quickly reach out to them now...
Those are myths.
In my years of coaching clients to get their ex back...
I've found that there is ZERO correlation in terms of how quickly you get in touch with your ex after a breakup...
And the success of getting your ex back.
In short, it doesn't mean that the sooner you reach out to your ex after a breakup, the better your chances of getting your ex back.
I've had clients that had no contact with their ex for years...
And they still got back with their ex after reconnecting years later.
In fact, in many situations, reconnecting with your ex a long time after your breakup can actually lead to your ex wanting you back.
As they say, " Absence makes the heart grow fonder ".
You see, it's a false belief to think that your ex might move on if you don't contact your ex quickly.
That's because your ex has ALREADY moved on the day your ex broke up with you.
If your ex hadn't moved on, they wouldn't have broken up with you and would still be with you.
The fact that they broke up with you means that they have already moved on.
So reaching out to your ex now just because you fear they might move on is a bad idea.
That's because with this mindset...
You will start to feel needy and desperate for your ex.
And this can lead to you saying or doing things that can potentially push your ex even further away.
So it's better to be 100 percent prepared for the contact with your ex than to rush to reach out only to jeopardize your chances with your ex.
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When Should You And Shouldn't You Use the Power of Silence After A Break-up?
While using the power of silence after a break-up can be very effective to get your ex back...
You can't exactly use it in every situation.
That's because if you use silence when you shouldn't be silent...
That will only push your ex further away.
So how do you know whether or not you should use the power of silence after a break-up?
That comes down to your current situation with your ex.
So here are a few situations where you should use the power of silence after a break-up:
- Your last few contacts with your ex is a negative one.
- Your last conversation with your ex ended in a quarrel or argument.
- You have been blocked by your ex.
- A restraining order has been issued to you.
- Your ex has warned you that if you don't stop contacting them, your ex will call the police.
- You feel the urge to ask your ex to get back with you.
- You're feeling emotional or have anxiety when in contact with your ex.
- Your ex is with someone new and you want to confront your ex about the new partner.
- You have had very positive communication with your ex for about at least a month.
- You know for certain that your ex is interested in you again and is pretending to be over you.
- You've just gone on a date with your ex and it went very well.
These are just some of the common situations that many of my coaching clients face.
If you noticed, most of the situations are where you have to go into No Contact.
However, the last 3 points are where you get into Withdrawal to get your ex to think more of you.
Now that you know when you should use silence...
Here are a few situations where you should NOT use the power of silence after a break-up:
- You have children with your ex and need to be in communication with regards to them.
- You are colleagues with your ex and you need to communicate with your ex regarding work.
- Your ex is your boss or employee and you have to communicate with regards to your work.
- You attend the same class as your ex and have to interact with regards to school work.
- You are in contact with your ex but it has not been daily communication for at least a month.
- Your ex is the one that is initiating contact with you daily.
- You're living with your ex.
- Your ex broke up with you because you slowly stopped communicating with your ex in the relationship.
In these situations above, going silent suddenly can let your ex feel negative towards you.
For example, if your ex has to communicate with you in regards to arrangement for your children...
Then choosing not to respond and be silent can let your ex feel annoyed.
However, if it's about anything else other than about your children...
Then you can choose to be silent if what your ex is saying things to you to make you feel negative.
Another example when you shouldn't use silence...
Is when the reason for your breakup is that you stopped communicating with your ex in the relationship.
If that's the reason your ex broke up with you...
Then you certainly do not want to go silent right now.
That's because if you do, your ex will feel that you have not changed.
Your ex most likely felt that you didn't care for the relationship and that's why you stopped communicating.
So by keeping silent now...
Your ex will just think that you haven't changed from before.
In this case, you want to communicate more with your ex rather than keep silent.
And if you're in situations where you cannot be out of contact with your ex...
But you feel the need to get into No Contact because you also fall into some of the situations where you should go silent...
Then what you should be doing is to get into Limited Contact.
This way, you only get in contact with your ex when it's absolutely necessary...
Otherwise, you stay out of contact.
How to Use Silence to Get Your Ex Back
So how do you use silence as a strategy to get your ex back?
The most common way to use silence is to use the No Contact Rule.
That's because if your ex broke up with you...
Chances are that your last contact with your ex isn't a positive one.
And if that's the case...
Then the way you use silence is by going into the No Contact mode.
That means you do not contact your ex for at least 30 days.
However, do not mistake that this alone is enough to get your ex back.
Silence during the No Contact period is simply a time that does 3 things:
- Let the negative feelings in your ex towards you gradually fade away.
- Work on yourself to get yourself to be the best version of you (aka the person your ex first fell in love with).
- Come up with a plan to reach out to your ex and change your ex's negative perception of you to a positive one.
But what if right now you already have positive communication with your ex already for at least a month?
Then the way you use silence is by going into a Withdrawal.
A Withdrawal is simply you pulling away from the frequent communication you have with your ex.
If you pull away from your ex when you have good communication...
It will let your ex start to think about you.
Your ex will start to become curious and wonder what happened to you.
This curiosity can lead to them coming up with reasons why you stopped responding.
Could it be that you found someone else?
Could it be that you suddenly lost interest in your ex?
Or could it be that something happened to you?
And when these thoughts come into your ex's mind...
It can lead to your ex realizing that he/she still has feelings for you.
And when these feelings start to get stronger because of your silence...
It can get your ex to initiate the talk to get back with you again.
This has happened time and time again with my coaching clients.
And if you do this right, you will find yourself back in the relationship with your ex again.
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What to Do After the Silence is Broken?
So now that you have already strategically gone silent based on your situation...
What should you do next that will get your ex one step closer to being with you again?
After Doing the NC Rule
If you have just finished the 30 days of the No Contact Rule...
Then it's time to reach out to your ex again.
The question is, how do you reach out to your ex?
And how should you continue a conversation with your ex?
Now, this ultimately comes down to your situation.
As you probably already know, every situation is unique and different.
So there is no ONE way that works for everyone.
For example, with each of my coaching clients, I would go through their situation in detail...
Ask them a bunch of questions to really understand their situation and their ex's current psychology...
And then come up with an outreach plan for them.
With that said, there are some guidelines you can use for your situation to reach out to your ex.
After you have gone No Contact for at least 30 days...
Your ex should be slightly more receptive and open to communication with you IF the reach out to your ex has nothing to do with your relationship.
That means you shouldn't talk to your ex about getting back together ...
And you shouldn't talk to your ex about the past.
Instead, the first outreach to your ex after the No Contact period should be about a topic that is outside of your relationship.
It can be about asking for advice...
Asking for your stuff back or to return your ex's stuff to them...
Or it can be about helping your ex in an area where you know they are looking for help.
This is important because if you reach out to your ex about the relationship...
Chances are that your ex will not want to respond.
Your ex broke up with you and that means your ex no longer wants a relationship with you.
So unless your ex is the one to talk about the relationship first...
You should not talk about it at all.
The goal is to start a conversation with your ex that is aimed at making your ex feel good about themselves.
When you let your ex feel good in all the communication with you...
Gradually over time, your ex will link these positive feelings towards you.
And when your ex starts to feel positive towards you...
Your ex will want to explore the relationship with you again.
Here's an analogy I give my coaching clients to constantly remind them of what they should be doing with each contact with their ex:
Imagine that your ex is holding an empty cup.
Each time you link pleasure to your ex, that cup will be filled little by little.
And each time you make your ex link pain to you, that cup will be emptied.
Your goal is to make that cup overflow.
Once your ex's cup is overflowing, that's when your ex is ready to be with you again!
After the Withdrawal
If you're in the fortunate position of having the opportunity to do a Withdrawal...
Then this will be very straightforward.
That's because most of the time after you do a Withdrawal...
Your ex will reach out to you on their own to talk about the relationship.
I've had many clients that experience this.
For example, I've had a female client that did a Withdrawal for just 3 days.
After 3 days, her ex reached out to her to ask to meet up.
During the meetup, her ex started to hold her hands.
And after that, her ex asked if she would like to try again.
Today, she is happily married to her ex.
This was what she sent me after her ex proposed to her:
"After a few months of being in contact with him thanks to Coach Louise's help - after 8 long years of silence - I had introduced the idea of exploring love together, but he insisted he could only be friends with me and at that point was dating a much younger and prettier woman and they had been together for months. I was crushed. When I told Coach Louise my story, she responded by saying she thought that my situation could be a very special love story, I felt better instantly. It was just the shred of hope I'd been looking for. What I appreciated about Coach Louise's personal coaching service was her daily infusion of hope, along with her reminder not to "do anything rash". I know that part of what made my story successful was that, if I was feeling downhearted or hopeless about my situation, I could direct that energy in Coach Louise's direction, and not my ex's, which would surely have turned him (or anyone) off. Coach Louise kept my focus on the exercise from her lessons. Reading the lessons, and really thinking about and answering the questions, helped to keep my mind focused on more positive thoughts, and helped me to maintain confidence and light-and-friendly talk with my ex. While I was under Coach Louise's tutelage, never once did I communicate any frustration to my ex; I was able to whine all I wanted to Coach Louise instead, and she kept my spirits up with her daily assurances that feelings and his attraction for me can be grown through influencing my ex in a positive way, and that I should be patient and remain positive. She had me really focused on changing myself from within and teaching me the concepts of how attraction works, and I must say that that was one of the most eye-opening lessons I've ever had as it really opened my eyes to how I could get my ex to be attracted to me again. And finally after some time after contacting Coach Louise and carrying out the customised plan she had for me, guess what happened? My ex declared his love for me, and we began rediscovering our romance again. Even though we live in different states, we have been traveling to see each other on the weekends, and it has been wonderful seeing how far he will go, and how much he will do, in order to earn my happiness. And he has already asked me to consider marrying him - and seems very unwilling to take "no" for an answer! I am so grateful to Coach Louise for her marvelous service and giving me encouragement to persist when I wanted to give up. She insisted that I focus on the constructive exercises in her program, which helped to keep me focused on my heart's dearest desires, and to keep my thoughts as positive as possible. She gave me hope, and provided a safe place to direct my angst, on those days when I felt weak and hopeless. I truly believe that, because I was able to channel my insecurities to a mentor with experience in counseling the lovelorn, that this kept my energy positive when I was communicating with my ex, and, as Coach Louise always reinforced ... because my energy made my ex feel good things, it helped to draw my ex more and more towards me. Now I have everything I ever dreamed of from my ex - and more! Thank you, Coach Louise! Floating away on Cloud Nine, Just before signing up for personal coaching with Coach Louise, I had lost all hope of ever again becoming romantically involved with my ex.
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Conclusion
Silence can be a very powerful tool when used correctly.
Use it the right way, it can let your ex perceive you positively.
And when your ex perceives you positively...
It can let your ex remember the positive and happy times you both had.
And that can ultimately lead to your ex wanting to try the relationship with you again.
Now, I would love to hear from you...
Leave in the comments below and let me know whether you have used the power of silence after the break-up with your ex.
Your Next Step to Use the Power of Silence After A Break-up
IMPORTANT: Before you try and get your ex back...
You need to first find out whether there's still any hope in trying to get your ex back.
The last thing you want to do is to chase a relationship that will never come to fruition again.
Click the image below to take a short 2-minute quiz to find out whether it's too late to get your ex back (it's free!):
