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How to Party Like a Banker (including Space-hopping Traders, Fire-breathing Strippers and Snakes)

Posted on the 17 July 2012 by Periscope @periscopepost
How to party like a banker (including space-hopping traders, fire-breathing strippers and snakes) A glass of champagne. Photo credit: Anders Adermark

The background

A press release sent out by Square Mile, self-styled “luxury lifestyle magazine for finance professionals,” designed to draw attention to their annual summer party, has done little to enhance the reputation of bankers. That’s because it rather reinforces the widely held opinion that Square Mile bankers are somewhat out of touch with the majority of people and the challenges they face it today’s challenging economic climate. Take the opener: “No signs of the dismal economy as 1,000 finance professionals quaffed free champagne, vodka and were entertained by fire-breathing strippers and snake charmers.” Not exactly austerity.

The press release was flagged up by The Guardian’s Marina Hyde at her blog marinahyde’s Space under the heading “Please handle this press release with tongs.” She followed up with this tweet:

Warmest congrats to @squaremile_com mag for the most radioactively loathsome press release of the week

— Marina Hyde (@MarinaHyde) July 17, 2012


Commenters at Hyde’s blog were a combination of enraged and disgusted. “This can’t be real, can it? I’m trying to think if there’s any way of making it worse – apart from Anton’s blacked-out tossmobile crushing actual baby pandas as it arrived, I’ve got nothing,” said Drumbux. “Looks pretty tame to me, after all we are in the middle of a double dip recession. All in this together … ” sighed Localitee. Dial wrote that it “just show(s) that these people do not live in the real world!”

The press release:

Despite the dismal financial outlook, Square Mile magazine held their annual Summer Party on Friday 13th for 1,000 City bankers.

- No signs of the dismal economy as 1,000 finance professionals quaffed free champagne, vodka and were entertained by fire-breathing strippers and snake charmers.

- Ex-city trader Anton Kreil, set to become the first person to execute a financial trade in space was the special guest on the night pulling up in a blacked out Mercedes wearing a flight suit and mirrored Rayban’s.

- The exclusive party went on until 6am in the morning and was the finale to the Square Mile Summer Festival.

For over seven years Square Mile magazine has been the voice of the City; a luxury lifestyle magazine for finance professionals and an essential read for those working in and around the Square Mile.

Friday 13th saw over 1,000 finance professionals from banks such as UBS, Barclays and Citigroup descend on McQueen bar & club in the heart of Shoreditch for the annual Square Mile Summer Party.

Guests were entertained by the all-girl dance troupe, Girls Roc, fire-breathing strippers, snake dancers and sword swallowers.

The army of suited bankers were treated to free drinks laid on my Square Mile including bottles of Iceberg Vodka and Louis Roederer champagne.

A retreat was offered in the form of a chill out room sponsored by Small Luxury Hotels of the world with Ibiza Angels massage girls offering their service to tired bankers.

“We’re known for throwing the most lavish parties for the banking industry” Says Head of PR for Square Mile magazine “and this year was no exception”.

The special guest of the evening was none other than ex-Goldman Sachs trader and star of the BBC’s “Million Dollar Trader’s”, Anton Kreil. Anton, the star of the new issue of Square Mile magazine is set to become the first person in history to make a financial markets transaction from space, when he hops aboard the XCOR Lynx MKII shuttle with the Space Expedition Corporation (SXC) in 2014.

Arriving in a blacked out Mercedes with a team of astronauts in tow, Anton dressed in his flight suit and mirrored sunglasses was surrounded by photographers and adoring women before being briskly whisked inside to his VIP table by a member of the Square Mile team.

Here’s a video of the Square Mile party:

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