Inspired by Nate Pyle's article 'Seeing a woman: a conversation between a father and son', it got me thinking that one day in the future I would probably have to have some talk with my little girl about growing up as a woman.
Then I thought, what would be the real message that I'd like to get across to her? That it is sad but true, that we are often judged by how we dress and that the size of our body does matter, no matter what everybody says? That it's cruel but inevitable, that we will always be perceived as the weaker sex, no matter how everyone talks about gender equality? Then it hit me. Suddenly, I knew exactly what do to. I will read to her my birthday wishes for her, written just one month before she was born in 2011. And it goes like this.
"I wish for you to be born a healthy and happy baby. Nothing means more to Daddy and I to be able to hold you safe in our arms and to be there to witness your first baby smile".Remember, as long as you're healthy and happy, it doesn't matter what other people say because he who is worth your while, will make it his life mission to see you laugh and be happy. And when you're happy, you will be naturally beautiful.
"I wish for you to have two big bright eyes, so that you will be able to appreciate how beautiful the world can be".Appreciate the world for what it is. While you're at it, appreciate others for who they really are. Sure, Christian Grey will probably make you go 'ga-ga' at first sight, but it is your responsibility to look pass the superficiality and to get to know the opposite sex as a fellow human being, instead of a sexual object. Should you decide later down the road that he, despite his 50 shades of f***edup-ness and 7 shades of rainbows, is THE ONE, learn how to appreciate the fact that it is his history that makes him who he is today. Because no one is perfect, but they can be perfect in your eyes if you let them be.
"I wish for you to have a petite nose with high nose bridge, so that you can show the world even though you might not measure in size or sound (Asians tend to be smaller in size and seem more gentle), you will hold your nose high and face your obstacles with confidence".Yes, you will probably never be the next Kate Hudson, given the not-so-ideal size and height of both your parents, but that's okay. You don't need to be a celebrity with good looking nose to be happy. But you will definitely need confidence to go through life as a woman, and to subsequently find your happiness. There will be men (and women) who will judge you by your face and height (and eyes, and nose), and that's okay because you are more than that - you are a beautiful, confident Asian woman. And if you live your life with confidence, people will look up to you (even though literally, they might have to look down on you while doing that).
"I wish for you to have a small mouth but full luscious lips, so that you will learn to express your opinions only when necessary, but then when you do choose to speak your mind, people will respect and listen to you". Open your mouth. Make them hear your presence instead of just being another pretty face and cleavage. Quoting Nate Pyle, "Don't let anyone tell you that you are the weaker sex, because you are not. You are the OTHER sex." The mouth is a very powerful tool. What comes out of your mouth (but make sure it goes through your brain before that) will let others know what you're really worth beneath the piece of cloth that covers your body.
"I wish for you to have a pair of beautiful ears, so that you will learn to listen to others before making any judgements or decisions".Listen, listen, listen. There are always two sides to a story or an opinion. It's important to exercise patience and listen to as many sides of the story as you can, only then you will be able to make an informed decision or judgment. We are only human, we will have our bad days when we will feel unworthy. It is then that you must apply your listening skills to filter out the negative and focus on only the positive. Chances are, you are worth more than you will ever know. (Click on the link to watch the video of a forensic artist who shows us how we perceive ourselves can be very different to how others describe us) And if anyone tells you otherwise, screw them and move on.
"I wish for you to have brains on your shoulders, so that you will think through every decision that you're going to make".There will be times where different people will tell you different things and shove comments at you that will make you question your worth. It is your responsibility to weigh through what you know before you let them affect you. It is also your responsibility to think through the pros and cons before punching that shallow person in the face for saying 'hey sexy, I'm looking for treasure, can I look in your chest?' You have a brain, don't be afraid to embrace your intelligence as a woman because beauty can only take you so far. Make yourself an appreciation asset, not a depreciating one. It will help land you potential suitors like the JP Morgan, instead of K-fed.
"I wish for you to have long legs, so that it will take you far and beyond to wherever your dreams may take you". And walk (with your Louboutins pumps) over those who dare objectify you and question your role as a woman. You are a human being, not an object. Don't let people push you around into being someone you're not. Walk tall, walk far, and remember to walk away from people who don't appreciate you for who you really are.
"And last but not least, I wish for you to have a strong heart, so that you will live and love life and treasure all who crosses and shares your path in life".
Life is not a bed of roses, and it never will be. People will always be judgemental no matter what you do, or don't do. Love and embrace yourself as a human being with feminine features. You will learn to trust, and you will learn to trust wisely. You will learn to see, but always try and see the good instead of the bad. You will learn to smell the roses, but beware of the bees that lug in between the flowers. You will learn to speak, but speak only kindness and with sincerity. You will learn how to stand, and you will stand your grounds as a woman with confidence. Lastly, you will learn to love, but love knowing that it's what's inside that counts, not outside. And when you do find that special someone who shares the same sentiments, you will have your happily ever after as the queen of his heart, just like what all women deserve, I promise.
