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Congratulations! You Did Not Win The Lottery! And That Is *Good* News!

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews

Golden Girl Finance reports that a 2010 study by researchers at several universities indicates that “the more money you win in the lottery, the more likely you are to end up bankrupt.”

From the article:

“Similar research from the National Endowment for Financial Education estimates that 70 percent of people who had unexpectedly come into large sums of money ended up broke within seven years.”

Didn’t win a lottery today? That’s great news! You don’t need money to read these:

3 Ways To Celebrate Not Inheriting Money, Winning The Lottery, Or Gaining Other Unexpected Windfalls (That Would Lead To Your Financial Ruin!)

1. Time for a ticker tape parade in your living room! Don’t know what ticker tape is in 2013? That’s okay – it was used to let people know stock prices before the internet was invented. Which means if you can get your hands on some old ticker tape, you can celebrate not only how lucky you are that you didn’t win the lottery, but also that you didn’t invest your winnings in shares of apparent blue chips of the 1970s Kodak or Polaroid!

2. Get really out-of-control drunk on the cheapest light beer your convenience store sells. Why? Because you can celebrate the fact you won’t do something stupid like buy a round for strangers in a bar, because you have no money for cab fare to the bar. Remember, you have no money. After buying the beer, you can’t even buy rotating hot dogs or useless lottery tickets at the convenience store, so enjoy your freedom!

3. Don’t spend the night in a haunted mansion! Only suckers hoping for inheritances from rich eccentric uncles they never met have to spend a night in a haunted mansion. At least that’s how it worked in 1950s movies and the Flintstones. Anyway, while you’re watching your walls not bleed tonight, and nobody’s crawling out of the TV like Poltergeist while some weather girl reads useless lottery numbers, you can celebrate that no eyeballs are going to peer out of the paintings on your walls. Ghosts really aren’t interested in watching someone drink a couple of six packs of Natural Light while watching some other sucker try to get a windfall on American Idol!

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