There has been one overriding, familiar theme woven throughout all of my journal writings during the past twenty years: I was constantly searching for some greater purpose and meaning for my life. But I never really got it, not in the way I thought it should be at the time when I was writing it down. I kept waiting for some huge Master Plan from God to overlay my life, like it would click into place and I would be set. But does anyone ever really get that?
I guess that’s how life is – you just have to try and make good decisions every day, give of yourself to others, take care of the ones you love, and work hard at whatever it is your dreams are. And then surrender it all to God. There’s no magic or secret formula. Even though that’s what we long for sometimes.
There is a tenet of the Presbyterian denomination that I really like, which kind of explains this for me. It says, “We are reformed and always reforming.” That means that we’re never done. We’ll never figure it all out. Spiritually speaking, there’s never an end point for our understanding, our experience of God, or our ability to define what God’s purpose is in and for our life. Just like time unfolds before us in the seconds, minutes, hours and days, so does God’s presence and purpose. It’s always before me. He’s always before me.
Looking back on the two decades of life captured in my journal writings – through all the ups and downs, the dreams and fears, the frustrations and victories – there are a few things I have learned:
- God is present, one hundred percent of the time
- Joy is always an option
- Grace is available everywhere
- I must participate
You know, I do have a choice in these matters. If I make an attempt to pay attention to these few, small details, then the gap between my real life and my idealized spiritual life gets smaller. I just need to be aware. I have to look around with more of a discerning eye. “And don’t forget to write it all down,” I can hear God saying to me. “Tell Me all about it, and you’ll be fine. You’ll see.”
