Colton Haynes And Jeff Leatham Got Married By Pimp Mama Kris

coltonhaynesjeffleatham

When 29-year-old Colton Haynes got engaged to his 46-year-old flower daddy Jeff Leatham (he’s a floral designer), it was a big, gay extravaganza complete with fireworks, drama and an appearance by Cher. So when I heard they were getting married this weekend, I prepared to explode into a tornado of glitter from the glorious gayness of their wedding. I expected to see Barbra Streisand softly yodel out Evergreen while officiating their ceremony from a giant crystal swan covered with rhinestone-encrusted white orchids imported from Thailand. But I guess all their money was spent on the engagement ceremony, because they had to settle for Pimp Mama Kris as their officiant.

People says that Colton and Jeff got married at a hotel in Palm Springs, CA last night. They became husband and husband in front of guests which included many of Colton’s American Horror Story: Cult cast mates (Billie Lourd, Leslie Grossman, Cheyenne Jackson) as well as Melanie Griffith, Chelsea Clinton, Lisa Rinna, Sofia Vergara, Joe ManJello, Dylan O’Brien, Emily Bett Rickards and Jesse Tyler Ferguson. That’s a guest list that’s sponsored by the letters W-T-F.

The color theme for Colton and Jeff’s wedding was black, white and red, and all of the guests were told to only wear black and white. Jeff told People that they were going for a “Cher meets Guns’ N Roses video” vibe, so I’m taking that to mean that their tuxedo pants were ass-less and that one of them died after drowning in the rain that ruined their wedding (that’s how Stephanie Seymour dies in the November Rain video, right?).

“If you can imagine Cher meets a Guns ‘N Roses video and that’s the theme of the wedding. But more than the flowers and decorations, it’s really about everyone coming together and everyone you love being with in the same room. That was the most important thing for us.”

Colton and Jeff must want this marriage to be shorter than Kim Kardashian’s second, because who gets Pimp Mama Kris to marry you? That’s the definition of a bad omen! Not only did PMK marry them, but she also pledged their souls to her lord Lucifer in one fell swoop. Colton and Jeff probably were wondering why halfway through the ceremony PMK started talking backwards and drew pentagrams on their foreheads with blood from a goat skull goblet that Khloe brought out.

Here’s more pictures and videos from Colton and Jeff’s wedding including one of them wearing glamorously gorgeous matching beaded jackets. And that cake looks like it’s got a serious case of the bubonic plague. I bet PMK stared at it too long.

#weddingweekend @jeffleatham

A post shared by Sofia Vergara (@sofiavergara) on Oct 27, 2017 at 9:24pm PDT

@justinmikita @jessetyler just being sexy. #jeffandcolton

A post shared by Sofia Vergara (@sofiavergara) on Oct 27, 2017 at 10:08pm PDT

Thank you @jeffleatham @coltonlhaynes for including us in the most magical night. Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness and champagne and dancing and matching sparkly jackets ✨❤️

A post shared by lesliegrossman (@lesliegrossman) on Oct 28, 2017 at 11:12am PDT

Girlfriends at Jeff and Coltons beautiful wedding❤️ Love you boys! @jeffleatham and @coltonlhaynes ❤️❤️Thank you Kris for marrying them!!

A post shared by MELANIE (@melanie_griffith57) on Oct 28, 2017 at 10:44am PDT

-Coltons snapchat- c0ltonhaynes #coltonhaynes #coltonlhaynes @coltonlhaynes

A post shared by Coltons Haynes Fan Account (@coltonhdaily) on Oct 28, 2017 at 6:59am PDT

#blessingsuponblessings to these two #daddys on their ultimate fairytale wedding day @coltonlhaynes @jeffleatham Love y'all so much ❤

A post shared by Billie Lourd (@praisethelourd) on Oct 28, 2017 at 1:16am PDT