The following chat-logs are short excerpts from a series of separate private conversations that took place likely sometime in 2004. As I gradually go through all of the old correspondence, I might post the most interesting bits and pieces from time to time in this Blast from the Past series. The names have been changed to keep this anonymous for the time being and minor edits have been made to make these easier to read. Don’t know if we broke any speed-typing records, but yeah, awkwardly funny typos slammed back and forth in a happy unison give a gist of one of those rare inspirational moments that take you in completely without you even realizing it, until all has taken place.
My chat-name here is changed to TVOR (The Voice of Reason) and MENTOR is my promoter, mentor (duh!) and my manager-to-be; who found my music in 1998 through former mp3.com.
From DAY 1
[03:34 pm] MENTOR: “the great philosopher TVOR, is right, he’s always right”
[03:34 pm] TVOR: it’s dragon time
[03:37 pm] MENTOR: yes sir
[03:27 am] MENTOR: reminds me of Ted Turner or Rupert gaining political power, kinda scary, media powers should NEVER be allowed to run for political offices, they’re too egotistical
[03:27 am] TVOR: true
[03:27 am] TVOR: politics and ego don’t mix
[03:28 am] TVOR: different league
[03:28 am] MENTOR: I think politicians are like doctors/clergy – you are born with that gene
[03:28 am] TVOR: yet politics and ego mix to some degree, but the problem is that those who are able to be good politicians don’t want to and those who are bad want to.. at least that’s the general consensus.. the bottom line, people are the problem 
[03:29 am] MENTOR: why would anyone WANT to do something like that?
[03:29 am] TVOR: what that?
[03:29] MENTOR: there’s no creativity or inspiration from the past, like I’m going to say I want to be just like a politician
[03:30 am] MENTOR: people want to be like sports stars or artists
[03:30 am] TVOR: generalization.. we all want respect, mass media has just magnified that trait to the extreme
[03:31 am] MENTOR: governments and politicians HAVE tough jobs which 99.9% of us don’t want to even consider..
[03:31 am] TVOR: indeed
[03:31 am] TVOR: well, everyone specializes on some certain area they want to be good at and contribute to the society
[03:32 am] TVOR: or likely to themselves and leftovers are for society
[03:33 am] MENTOR: I just watched the Giuliani movie, and said to myself, why would anyone set themselves up like that, YET he did do some great things according to half the people, so you never win, ya know???
[03:34 am] MENTOR: I actually hate politics
[03:34 am] MENTOR: like I said, there’s no creativity whatsoever in the mix, it’s boring, harsh, negative,
[03:34 am] MENTOR: like YOU said – distracting
[03:35 am] MENTOR: YET 97.9% of the people, are engrossed in it
[03:35 am] MENTOR: that leaves just about 2% of the people who actually do anything
[03:36 am] MENTOR: only when something like 9-11, a brutal murder, suffering, do people pay attention
[03:37 am] MENTOR: and want answers
[03:37 am] MENTOR: I don’t get it
[03:38 am] TVOR: it’s because human creature, we.. are lazy and greedy.. every problem of society and human nature comes from collision between laziness and greediness
[03:38 am] TVOR: u work hard at anything.. and a success in anything feels success only because it was hard to achieve
[03:39 am] MENTOR: I agree
[03:39 am] MENTOR: even with success comes a ton of negativity and jealousy
[03:40 am] MENTOR: the term ‘overnight success’ doesn’t exist except with the lottery
[03:40 am] MENTOR: or boybands:)
[03:40 am] TVOR: there’s always some sort of balance between things we do.. we oscillate between being satisfied and being not… we adapt into anything
[…]
From DAY 2
[02:38 am] TVOR: no, but what comes to the ‘if’.. part, I don’t need to analyze it.. i just do things.. and everyday, every moment i feell ,, i’ve grown into a belief, into that i am the best, i am the best at whatever i do.. but at the meantime i have grown into a thought that the moment is now.. moment is NOW.. no past nor future, but now.. so whatever happens, happens now, rest doesn’t exist. .but i do feel it has already happened…. constatn dejavu.. the day when i stand out in front of 6,5 billion individuals is just a start.. that is just a start..
just as a rhinoceros.. words words words words
words wrods, worlds, worlds, worlds, my mind is an entertainment platform and by combining my thoughts in media with my music i am one mand walking art and entertainment machine.. THE FUCKING CELEBRITY.. fuck the rest i am the best..
that’s my job, to be EGO.. well it’s not jub, that’s what i am and and if i keep repeating that enough ppl will start EXPECTING my EGO and my thoughts, and they EXPECT me to do certain kind of things.. so UNEXPECTED from me is EXPECTED from me.. it’s my sacrifice to society.. i be naked in front of public, they decide if it’s good for them..
[02:40 am] TVOR: THE CONTRAST between unselfinesh and selfiness
[02:48 am] TVOR: but i’ve been all the way deep and way beyond with that.. i have the psyche. rest is just using my psyche and talent…. pieces will fall in the place..and there is time and place for everything, i do whatever i feel inside my at the moment being best for me..
i’ve gone thru thoughts, thru deep thoughts, thru emotions, thru doubt, thru vanity, thru avarice,, i’ve been deep in those valleys.. now that part is my slave,, my body and my mind and my talent is my slave.. i know exactly what i want to do and how i want to do.. swiping off crap is one part of that.. small ,but one part
.. we all oscillate, u are right there to the point and you are right to the point about sharing it.. this is a one big society..
ha, wealth is good if it is put in rotation.. but if u don’t spend your wealth, it’s killing society, it’s not progressive
selfishness is a powerful resource, because we all are selfish.. and EGO is the main motivator for any progress and any degree, and the only one
heh.. well talk talk,, thoughts need to refined and distilled and transformed into a missiles,, mindbombs.. shows, mindfuck show, music, art, vision, movies, collaboration,, whole wide world with a network of artists, enterntainers etc.. sharing their small piece to 010.. whatever they do, not under any ism, but with a network of likeminded..
[02:50 am] MENTOR: avarice?
[02:50 am] TVOR: greed
[…]
[03:04 am] MENTOR: Nothing gets in our way, but most of us are likely to open up in stages, gradually, we tend to go up in cycles of emotion: after each burst of euphoric realization, we may hit a new and different kind of negativity, the next thing we need to learn to love, But the higher you go the easier it gets
[03:04 am] TVOR: with intelligence, understanding, passion, comes also cynicism and you have to consciously fight against it to pursue your dreams
[03:04 am] MENTOR: YES, it’s a constant struggle/battle man
[03:06 am] MENTOR: the higher you get, the more shit gets in the way, you have to just pay more attention
[03:06 am] MENTOR: that’s all
[03:06 am] MENTOR: it’s all about upbringing
[03:06 am] MENTOR: those who don’t believe in miracles must not be paying much attention:)
[03:07 am] MENTOR: a guy I used to work with said that about 10 years ago
[03:07 am] MENTOR: the smae place a guy said “I used to be a jerk”:)
[03:07 am] MENTOR: keep on keeping on [removed]!!!!
[03:07 am] MENTOR: fuck what else is there to do????
[03:10 am] TVOR: as I see, and i speak only from my experience.. the broader you open, u cut the crap and pay less and less about crap beyond and in front of you.. some tumble, but those who break thru the barrier it’s for good
[03:14 am] TVOR: i don’t know what it is to be non ambitious person.. i guess we all are born as ambitious, but most of people are put thru some much shit that the ambition melts away.. might be, but i can’t tell.. would be refreshing to be someone else for some time..
i like to think thru someone else. to put myself into someone else’s boots and sometimes think myself as an outsider
[03:14 am] TVOR: ah well. enuf incoherent text for now
[03:15 am] TVOR: just one thing.. I do see society as a one big
[03:15 am] TVOR: ‘brain’
[03:16 am] TVOR: and every part has their own place.. and I see functionality and a purpose even in those individuals who ever don’t enlighten in any way or do not share same point of views.. there is not single thruth of any kind.. we all work as a one big society thru communication…
so i am what i am
[03:27 am] TVOR: “gradually, we tend to go up in cycles of emotion: after each burst of euphoric realization, we may hit a new and different kind of negativity, the next thing we need to learn to love, But the higher you go the easier it gets”
rereading that bit.. now i get that last part.. the higher you go the easier it gets to understand, the easier it gets to understand the process of enlightenment and world and life around you
and that paragraph.. well u showed it for me first time now, but three years ago i have gone thru almost exact to 100% thinking process with my own cycle of enlightenment.. it is a cycle and yes there is the doubt and there is the re-enligthenment.. and u repeat that cycle long enough and u rise above that glass roof and world, the arth, the universe is a small dust particle u sometimes caress in your fingertip.. the part, which holds on to constant wire hanging above u, being there deliberately and whenever your ego craps out with anything external all u do is to think that dust particle and u find again that feeling, which is not hidden, but a giant half asleep and half awake…. Thaddeus Golas [1] indeed is another deep connection..
the most gratifying thing after my own cycle has been to find out that i am not the only one to go thru the process as every person who pursues (and everyone does) the ‘truth’, the big ‘something’.. or big ‘nothing’ as it is not a thing but a state..
anyway, anyone who falls into same cycle, will go thru same phases and one major phase is ‘i am the one’
[1] 2012 trivia: I have not read the book in question, but my mentor has
[03:33 am] TVOR: i have grown into my personality and psyche not in order to fulfill myself, but in order to fullfill the world..
i serve the world… needs a lot of finetuning and developing a constant progress.. gotta be frank and honest,, honesty towards ownself is a powerful tool… but uh oh, i need some monty python soon, too much wordio’s
one word about world
ABSURD
remember that
[03:34 am] MENTOR: anyway, I hope I help you out man, that’s all, I look at you abd me as seperating spiritual twins, who the fuck would of ever imaguined we would ever mett you know???
[03:35 am] TVOR: marklar marklar marklar
[03:35] MENTOR: there’s a connection here, and I can’t put my finger on it, all I know is I like chatting with you, 99.9% of the people I meet and try to be friends with aren’t nearly as inspirational and motivbatinf as our friendship
[03:36 am] MENTOR: you get me thinking bigger and better that’s all
[03:36 am] MENTOR: the only other person I can say does that to me is [removed]
[03:36 am] TVOR: small streams grow into a bigger rivers..
[03:37 am] MENTOR: [****] stream babay
[03:37 am] TVOR: MENTOR seems great
[03:37 am] MENTOR: 01
[03:37 am] MENTOR: 0
[03:37 am] MENTOR: ha
[03:37 am] TVOR: obsessions
[03:38 am] TVOR: goals
[03:38 am] TVOR: focus
[03:38 am] TVOR: obssession baby
[03:40 am] TVOR: anyways i don’t need yes-men around me.. i need no-men who can challenge me, my way of thinking, acting whatever..
[03:41 am] TVOR: energy source
[…]
[04:57 am] TVOR: people are like rocks thrown into water.. making waves.. some waves collide and some waves grow together and make bigger waves.. ’tis all about waves
[04:57 am] MENTOR: yes
[04:56 am] MENTOR: it means we’re OK and all we have to do is keep doing what we’ve been doing for the past 7 years
