Current Magazine

Asheville Bums Busking to Beat the Law

Posted on the 01 March 2013 by Citizenthymes @citizenthymes

By Sam Spoofinburg, crime reporter and guest contributor to the Citizen Thymes


ASHEVILLE- No, not all of Asheville’s ragged winos with harmonicas in their ball caps are Mr. Bojangles.


But they are streetwise to the city panhandling ordinance, which allows street musicians to busk for coin, but busts panhandlers for asking for that last 87 cents they need for a bus ticket to go down to Apalachicola to bury their dead grandmamma.


According to the Kung Fu Kowboy, who monitors the street scene for the illumanati, many of Asheville’s panhandlers are also street musicians.


“Hell, you can get a kazoo at the (Salvation) Army for a nickel,” said Kowboy.


“Don’t even have to put it in yo mouf less the cops be around. An innibody can toot the ol kazoo – you wanna hear me play Brahm’s Rhapsody in E Flat Minor?”


Kowboy’s story was confirmed after observing Asheville bums busking firsthand.


On North Lexington, Junior “Mad Dog” Worley lay in a pool of vomit with a half-empty (or is that half-full?) bottle of MD 20 20 in his back pocket. Roused by gentle prodding with a ballpoint pen, Worley said he plays the spoons for the cops all the time.


Worley pulled a couple tablespoons out of his jeans and gave a stirring rendition of the first movement of Berlioz’s Symphony Fantastique.


“Feller from Juilliard offered me a full scholarship the other day,” said Worley.


“But I’m afraid formal training might ruin my natural gift. Besides, I’d have to wear a shirt and shit.”

You Might Also Like :

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog

These articles might interest you :

  • Studying at the University of Melbourne: How To Be Prepared

    Why choose UniMelb? One of the top reasons why prospective students apply to the University of Melbourne is because of its ranking. Just this year, it... Read more

    6 hours, 47 minutes ago by   Prachipreaches
  • The Bronzer Declutter

    Bronzer Declutter

    A few months ago, after my latest round of decluttering, I put all my make-up (excluding lip products) into a big box. Having it all there together is great... Read more

    7 hours, 27 minutes ago by   Glossqueen
  • White Coral Styled Shoot in Santorini

    White Coral Styled Shoot Santorini

    Today, we’re sharing with you one styled shoot straight out of heaven! The photoshoot took place in beautiful island of Santorini and specifically in a private... Read more

    7 hours, 58 minutes ago by   Eleni Balkouli
  • Bilbliophilic Elitism

    You know, the worst of claiming to be a reader is that people assume you are well-read. The problem is the books that they expect you to have read. Read more

    9 hours, 23 minutes ago by   C. Suresh
  • Laura Bush on Family Separation at the Border “It is Immoral”

    Laura Bush Family Separation Border Immoral”

    FirstLadyB | B Inspired By Entertainment News Laura Bush has penned a lette... Read more

    9 hours, 55 minutes ago by   Firstladyb
  • How To Travel With A Carry On Only

    Travel With Carry Only

    I was not a carry-on person for a longest time. It never even crossed my mind that it was an option. Not until I moved to the U.S. and the airlines started... Read more

    11 hours, 58 minutes ago by   Tanvi Rastogi
  • Bucket List

    Bucket List

    On the whole I'm quite a fan of lists. Making a list helps me organise and prioritise what I need to do (as long as I stick to it once I've drawn it up). Read more

    13 hours, 51 minutes ago by   Ashleylister