And His Shoes Make Him Run Faster and Jump Higher, Too

You remember my friend T, right? The man who believes almost every woman he sees is beautiful? The man whose sudden and pert-near evangelical love of his lawn (The Book of Scotts Turf Builder) has changed his brown weedy yard to a lush, green carpet?
He now has furniture concerns.
To wit, he believes his dresser drawers are up to no good.
“Everything I put in there comes out smaller,” he says. “My t-shirts are all tight in the middle. They didn’t used to be!”
That’s right. The dresser in T’s bedroom is shrinking his clothes.
I’ve seen T’s dresser. It’s a battered blonde wood piece of furniture with missing drawer pulls – and while I’ve always stood four-square against this very type of dresser, it does not appear to be any more a clothing-shrinker than my own.
And none of my shirts are, uh, too small.
None! I don’t care what you’ve heard!
Of course, T may claim that it is faulty furniture that has caused his t-shirts to reduce in size, there is also the fact that cotton t-shirts and hot dryers are natural enemies.
There’s also something to be said of his love of the all-you-can-eat banquet.
For now, however, I will play along with his dresser drawer theory. Why not? It makes as much sense as his belief that there are beautiful women everywhere he goes; and maybe I’ll get a free t-shirt out of the deal.