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53 Year-Old Woman and 60 Year-Old Man Make Short List To Colonize Mars in 2024

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews

CBC reports that out of 200,000 applicants for a one-way trip to Mars, 100 would-be astronauts remain on a short-list, including 6 Canadians.

The trip is scheduled in 2024, and the purpose of the trip is to create a human colony on Mars, which is interesting given that a female candidate will be in her 60s and a male candidate may be about 70 by then.

Which raises the ultimate question: why aren’t more one-year-olds volunteering to go to Mars? Selfish new generation. Anyway, here are:

People We’d Like To See Colonize Mars

1. Prince. We all know Prince never ages and must be a vampire. So let’s have more vampires colonizing Mars, and less on Earth, okay?

2. Anyone who paid money to see last week’s number one movie at the box office in theaters. Gotta reduce demand for script-free movies based on literature-free books somehow, right?

3. The Mars family. These billionaire candy magnates probably could afford to colonize Mars, and added bonus: no need to change company letterhead to something that doesn’t say “Mars.”


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