When I asked you last night on Facebook what is the one stand out pain in the ass thing about getting married? I was overwhelmed (but not surprised) by your response. Weddings suck, sorry weddings can suck, and so for the next few weeks we will be covering 10 of those issues (that often require tissues) in the hope that I can make your big day a hell of a lot easier. I will start today with three of the more simple lessons (ok I wouldn’t exactly call the first lesson simple) but trust me they do get trickier…
THE BRIDESMAIDS.
The problem…
If you have ever watched The Housewives of Orange County you will know where I am going with this. While this is a huge generalisation and my sincere apologies to all those bridesmaids who are kick ass awesome… but bridesmaids can suck the life and love out of you when it comes to your special day. Sheryl never really liked your husband to be, Cecil has a chip on her shoulder that you are getting married first, and Karen, oh well Karen is just an ungrateful, unenthusiastic so and so. You get the drift.
The solution…
Choose wisely when it comes to picking your leading ladies, and go with your gut. If you find yourself with your knickers in a twist over who you want standing by your side then you have three options…
1. Choose those who you feel closest too. You know who they are. Never feel pressured to choose family/friends/siblings because you feel you have to. If someone throws a tantrum because you didn’t ask them, then it looks like your gut feeling was right!
2. Choose one person who is special to you and have them stand with you on your special day. It is often easier to choose one bridesmaid than more, and this is a much less stressful solution if you are struggling to choose just a few!
3. Don’t have any! Less drama, less money. You can still buy/make those special friends a little somethin’ somethin’ to say thank you for their support/ongoing awesomeness, but this is by far the best solution when it comes to a drama free (less expensive) wedding. Ouch.
YOUR WEDDING DAY IS A TOTAL BLUR.
The problem…
Of course I am in no way insinuating you were, or will be drunk. But being ‘present’ at your wedding is actually much harder than it’s sounds. Weeks, months even years of planning can turn even the most attentive brides into overwhelmed zombies and before you know it the day is over and it is ALL a blur.
The Solution…
Stop thinking about the day as a whole. If you went to work every morning constantly thinking of what could happen every minute, you would never remember anything (let alone get anything done) simply because you are not present. Yes it is a super exciting day, and yes there are so many things that could go wrong (if there is such a thing as wrong) but here are two ways to stay in the now.
1. Take a deep breath. Count to four while inhaling then count to four while exhaling. Use this time to either calm your nerves or to simply relax and be mindful. Take notice of your surroundings during that deep breath and I guarantee you will always remember that moment.
2. Use a reminder. Have a code word with a special friend (my sister and I still use ‘MacGyver haha) that will remind you to remain in the present. Too corny? Wear a piece of jewelry or pick an object in the room that you will see more than once during the day. Then every time you spot that item, take a moment to stop, breath and bring yourself back into the present.
CHANGING YOUR NAME.
The problem…
The bank, the documents, the passport, the god damn fly buys card… changing your last name is not only time consuming, but a complete pain in the ass. After being married for over three years now I finally decided to sort my shit out (or take the first step) and went to change my name at the bank. For starters organising a time where both of you can visit the bank is nearly impossible, so all alone with marriage certificate in tow, I went in guns blazing to make myself a Mrs. Not only did I get shot down, but I got the ‘oh I am going to make this as complicated as possible just to ruin your buzz‘ vibe from a staff member when requesting to add my name to our joint credit card (seriously if I was going to add my name to an account I sure as hell wouldn’t have picked our credit card. It’s not exactly in credit… EVER!)
The solution…
While I would love to tell you there is an insanely easy way to do this, when it comes to legal documents, it takes two to tango. What you need to do is start a list. Everything in both your wallets, every bill you get in the mail, every other little bit of junk (that you love) if you want to join forces collect it all up for two months and make a list.
Next step is to make an action plan. How much can you do online, and what do you need to do in person? Divide and conquer my friends. And then take the day off (both of you) to go visit the ones you can not hassle on the phone. Make appointments in advance and then pencil in a nice lunch/visit to the tattoo parlour/afternoon in a swanky hotel. Keen? Of course you are!
>>> I hope today’s lessons have been helpful in some way! Stay tuned for more drama (and more solutions) next week xox
