The New York Times reports that restaurants are increasingly keeping records of their patrons’ dining records for use on future visits. One restaurant owner stated:
“And we take note of the people who sat for 6 ½ hours last time, so next time we are sure to give them an uncomfortable seat.”
3 Worse Ways To Get Rid Of Patrons Who Spend 6 and a 1/2 Hours At A Restaurant
1. Seat them on a cramped economy airplane headed from New York to Los Angeles. They will have to disembark the plane when the flight ends in five hours.
p.s. If people are flying from New York to LA faster than you can finish a restaurant meal, please promise the world you will never do anything that requires lengthy decisions, like play a game of Words With Friends. There’s nothing worse than an 80-year game of Words With Friends, where recently slang words like “Cray” will be obsolete in the year 2092.
Dear Patron, please do not spend 6.5 hours at a restaurant called Bacon Nation, signed, your arteries. Yes, this was signed in blood, in case you were wondering.
2. Seat them next to a parent potty training their kid at the restaurant table, just like the woman in Utah we wrote about yesterday. Or better yet, seat them in the potty chairs those kids were using, as those have to be less “comfortable” than wherever that New York restauranteur might seat them.
3. Seat them in desks at the front of the room in front of a chalkboard, and tell them they have to write an exam in a course they forgot to go to all semester. This will have them race out of the restaurant as they think this is a reoccurring nightmare they keep having. Or they will write the exam in the time limit of one hour and know it’s time to leave. It’s a win-win, especially if the exam is your kid’s math homework!