My first 'Funnie' of the day is not strictly speaking a 'Funnie' in the traditional sense that you have grown used to here at D&N but it made me chuckle. I just hope it comes out clearly enough to read:
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A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'
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A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK, then, I want to die after a Labour government balances the budget and eliminates the debt.
"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.
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A woman walks into the Rockingham Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids...
'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?
'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard
that question a thousand times before.
She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats.
'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names.'
'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'
'OK, and who's next?'
'Well, this one he is Terry, also.'
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.
One by one, through to the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are
they ALL named Terri?'
Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time
to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.'
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just
yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had,
namin' them all Terry.'
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to
come, and not the whole bunch
'I call them by their surnames!'
Right, that's your lot, get back to work and I'm off to see 'Nursie' who wants another armful of my blood!
