You Might Be a Democrat If…
1) You’re a Hollywood movie star who thinks building a border fence is racist, as you drive home to your gated community.
2) You’re a guy who needs Viagra to get it up and you think it’s Bush’s fault.
3) You’re a gal who thinks if a guy talks to you he’s a sexist rapist, and if he ignores you he’s a gay Republican.
4) You think “government intervention” means free rent, free food, and a free cell phone.
5) You think a genius is a man who believes our country has 57 states.
6) You laughed at the Obama rodeo clown and felt guilty.
7) You think open dialog means you talk and others listen.
8) You think crime is caused by the environment.
9) You’re a guy and you think Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, and Michelle Obama are hot mamas.
(In that case, you’re also insane.)
10) You think “get a job” means all those other people.
11) Your school’s fight song was “San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)”. (And you think that was Bush’s fault.)
12) You go ga-ga over Hollywood celebrities, but you’ve never read the Constitution.
13) You think “an informed opinion” means watching “The View.”
14) You use cutesy baby-talk and kissy sounds around children, but think pro-life demonstrators are dangerous.
15) You’re under forty and haven’t had a job in fifteen years. If ever.
16) You’re a male over sixty with a ponytail who hangs out at college campuses to pick up girls.
17) You use your parents’ credit cards to buy two hundred dollar ripped designer jeans and Che Guevara posters.
18) You pass out copies of Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States” for Christmas. (Excuse me, you pass them out over winter solstice and Kwanzaa.)
19) The three most commonly heard words at your family get-togethers are, “It’s Bush’s fault.”
20) You think this whole list is Bush’s fault.
