#Winning

Went to Ikea. Made it through without getting lost. Did not buy store full of unnecessary brightly coloured plastic stuffs. Am off to write step-by-step guide. And create a support group / fan club. And International Roadshow to flog the book and share my Ikea success story and secrets with others. Expecting to be on New York Times Best Seller list within months. Oprah to come out of retirement to interview me. 1Direction will sing about it.

Lindsay Lohan will beg to play me in the movie, but I will be all like Bitch Please.... and Angelina Jolie will graciously request the role and get it.