Diaries Magazine

While the Kids Are Away, the Parents Lamely Attempt to Play

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
While the kids are away, the parents lamely attempt to play I worked most of last week (hence the blog silence), and that meant gleefully  rapidly  semi-reluctantly shipping The Feral Threesome off to the #1Grandparents' place for most of the week. We're talking FOUR CHILD FREE NIGHTS. Nobody to feed. Nobody to entertain. Nobody to referee. Nobody to get up to. Coupled with going to work every day, it was like being a bona fide adult again, just like in BC (before children) times. Determined not to waste this opportunity to party like rock stars, we proceeded to 'burn the candle at both ends' from the second I returned home after dropping the kids at my parents' place. Night One First up was a pub meal. Complete with drinks. Sans kids menu and crayons. We rocked up after 6pm and took our time. Even sat dangerously close to the open fire. Of course we were a bit exhausted after running around all day shipping the kids off, so we didn't stay out late.  We were, in fact, home by 8:30.  Pretty much the time we'd have been home if the kids were with us. Night Two #1Hubby had an overnight conference at a hotel.  While he did invite me to stay the night, it was less hello child-free hotel romp, and more OMG I can have the TV and the bed and the entire house to myself! And so I stayed in.  With a microwave meal I picked up from the supermarket right as I finished work. Night Three We'd booked a seafood restaurant - somewhere we'd never take the kids, because it looked quite fancy. We were starving and tired by 6pm, so we showed up almost an hour before our reservation, just hoping to score an early table. And we did.  Amongst the families who eat early with their kids. Crayons everywhere. #1Hubby bleated an apologetic and regretful admission to already missing The Feral Threesome, while the only couple amongst a sea of family tables. Home by 8pm this time. Night Four We were well aware of our dismal efforts thus far. Determined to better our rock star, party animal, go hard or go home image, we decided to hit up a Mexican, Indian or Thai restaurant for some hot, spicy food that we'd never try and feed the kids. Followed by a bar. On a week night! Only we were absolutely shattered from work and the previous 3 nights. So it was takeaway instead, in all our elastic waisted sit on the lounge and watch TV while eating glory.  Exactly what we would have done with the kids. I feel like we really let all the parents out there down. Given the opportunity to live it up with wild, child-free, abandon.....we failed. I would promise to do better. I would pledge to give it my all this week, but I don't want to make any false promises. The do-over This week they're only gone for 1 night, and I can tell you exactly how it'll go:
  • Go to work
  • Return home and whine about general tiredness
  • Madly clean house before the Accountant comes to do our taxes
  • Refrain from booze while the Accountant is here, lest he judge me or try a little less hard to claim our reimbursables on account of his resentment at working late while the client is getting hammered.
  • Prepare a 2 course meal because neither #1Hubby nor I can be arsed going out for or to pick up dinner
  • Dip and 2 minute noodles consumed, in bed, toes up by 8:30pm

I feel like I don't even know myself anymore. I am far more disgusted in me than any of you could possibly be.

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