What is ‘womanhood’ anyway?
When exactly do you become a woman? I’ve received a few different answers to this question that I think are worth exploring.
My elementary school nurse told me in fifth grade I would become a woman when my period came. But I take issue with the idea that something akin to the goriest scene of Texas Chainsaw Massacre playing on loop in your pants while feeling like your insides have staged a mutiny once a month means being a woman. And what does that say about menopause — that one’s womanhood expires at a certain age? Sorry, ladies, your time being a woman is over, thanks for playing! I don’t think so. I like to think that womanhood isn’t something that expires or something that exclusively depends on monthly suffering.
I’ve also been told that one becomes a woman after they’ve had sex for the first time. According to this answer, as soon as a penis enters you — BAM you’re a woman. But losing my virginity was single-handedly the most awkward thing that has ever happened to me and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. The experience was painful, sticky and just a big mess. It was so awful I swore I’d never have sex again and didn’t for another four years. This definition also ignores the experiences of women who don’t have sex with men. Opting for a “V” instead of a “P” shouldn’t exclude somebody from womanhood.
The final — and probably most popular — answer I’ve received is that you truly become a woman when you become mother. Motherhood is certainly a beautiful, wonderful thing and something I personally hope to experience some day. But what about the women who can’t have or don’t want kids? Are they just sent to join the lesbians and menopausal women in womanhood exile?
All of these standard understandings of womanhood involve pain. They all rely on individuals’ reproductive abilities and processes — which I find unreliable, vindictive and involves entirely too much heavy bleeding (seriously, is there some kind of blood thirsty womanhood Goddess I should be offering sacrifices to?). They also largely rely on men and their reproductive contributions.
I think it’s time that we re-think what it means to be a woman and embrace a much more positive understanding of the experience.
