Or Any Other Woman!
Our country is defining change. Yes, there are some great things about it and how it has grown. Whether you are a fan or not, most of us, especially those in our late thirties, forties, fifties and sixties would have never fathomed the idea of an African American president or a woman as Secretary of State. Without a doubt, these are major advances that have occurred. Most of us are proud to live in a country where we have so much freedom and where our children can grow up to be anything he or she chooses.
It is great to live in a country where our daughters can say “I want to be the President of the United States.” And you know in your heart that it is an achievement that she can accomplish.
Recently I was listening to a well-respected individual who was speaking to a group of men and women about relationships. The conversation was mostly general and focused on respect. And then BAM!
“Men when you disrespect your wife, you become not only unworthy of her, but every woman that you would encounter after this relationship ends.”
Wow, I did not see that one coming. I will admit that up to that point, I was a bit bored in this class but new life descended upon my ears. Did I just hear another male say that not only is disrespecting a woman wrong, but the man is unworthy? I needed to hear that again.
“And men, when you are disrespecting your wife, your girlfriend or any other woman in front of your daughters, you are sending them a message that this is the same treatment they deserve from a male partner.”
As I look around at the faces of men sitting near me, you see some agreeing and others looking down at the floor.
“Did you know that as a male, you are the first man that your daughter has in her life? So, your behavior will shape her self-worth as she looks for a partner. Think to yourself, what type of partner do you feel your daughter should have? He should definitely be one who is good enough for her mother or one that respects her.”
Most women have been in situations where their partner has become demeaning. Some of us handle that situation by screaming back or giving the same treatment to the person who is doing it to them. Others will leave the situation.
Personally, when you are with a person who is calling you names, telling you are a bad parent, you are too fat, stupid, and dumb or even just using little condescending statements, what do you normally feel?
Do you feel the person is unworthy of you because regardless of your size or educational background, you try to be a decent person or do you feel that you are the unworthy one and need to try harder?
And let’s think about those of us who have daughters. What message are we giving them if we stay in a situation like this?
Are we saying, “honey it is okay to be in a relationship where the husband, boyfriend or partner is demeaning and cruel?”
For those of us who have sons, they must be shown sooner rather than later that this is not how you treat a woman, whether it be your mother, grandmother, sister, teacher, whomever. A boy must learn respect early in life. Otherwise, he will grow up thinking that it is okay to be disrespectful and demeaning to women.
Are you in a situation like this? You don’t have to tell me. It can remain your secret. Have you been told that you are a bad mother, not good enough for this or not good enough for that?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, ask yourself, “What do I do now?”
First of all, any situation where you are being called names, hit, and demeaned is abusive. People is healthy relationships don’t argue that way. A healthy partner does not want you to feel like you are fraction of a person.
Talk to your partner about the situation. Be careful to use words like this behavior makes me feel… Don’t point fingers. It will become hostile.
Talk to your local Priest or Pastor.
Seek Counseling for yourself.
Seek Counseling for your relationship if the other person is willing.
Seek Counseling for your children. Yes they are affected by it.
If all else fails, get your affairs in order. Abuse starts small and escalates.
- Start setting up a fund
- If you are not employed, seek employment
- Set up a move-out plan
- Speak to a legal respresentative
- Seek counseling to help you all the way with your decision.
As I have said in past articles, I am not an advocate of divorce. I think that a child needs two parents in a home when it is possible. I don’t believe that money makes a healthy home environment. I do believe that parents should respect one another. If that is not happening, steps should be taken to make the situation healthy.
What are your thoughts on this?
