Athletics Magazine

What's the Most Random Thing You've Found on a Run?

By Brisdon @shutuprun
Yeah, I've been MIA for a couple of weeks. That's because I've being doing really important things like getting the wart on my dog's head frozen off, finishing Shameless (I miss you already Frank) and helping my 19 year old son find a car to buy when he would settle for nothing less than a Crown Victoria, a Lincoln Town Car or something similar. He ended up with a Mercury Grand Marquis. I truly had no idea I gave birth to a grandmother (or a pimp?). He does look cute though:

What's the Most Random Thing You've Found on a Run?

So what if it's 17 feet long?


This post has been brewing for awhile. During marathon training, I had a lot of time to myself while pounding the pavement to ponder on the really important stuff such as - "Why are there so many mini, empty bottles of Fireball along side the road?"
You know what I mean. As you put one foot in front of the other, maybe you are noticing a trend along the road or trail. Maybe the pattern of the shit you spot on the ground makes you wonder a bit about human nature and why people toss the the things they do. Clearly, alcohol bottles are to hide evidence. I know this because I've watched Cops and other similar shows that basically make me an expert in law enforcement.
Case in point. By far the two things I see the most while running are:
-Empty airplane sized bottles of liquor (Fireball being a favorite)
Image result for empty fireball bottle
-Those flosser things. You know the ones - I think they are called flosser picks
Image result for flossers
I'm pretty sure these things do not go together, unless of course there is a new phenomenon that involves flossing one's teeth, then chugging Fireball like Listerine, then littering. Possible for sure. I know that is what my dentist recommends.
Less common things I've noticed on occasion.
  • Condoms - used or still in the package (making love on the side of the road is romantic)
  • Underwear (understandable, accidents happen in the car)
  • One sock (I don't get it. Unless you're a teenage boy, then I get it)
  • One shoe (there is a ballet flat that has been along side this one stretch of road for awhile)
  • Change (pennies, quarters, etc)
  • Bags of fast food trash (do you think people who eat fast food or more likely to litter? Someone should do a thesis on that)
  • Ponytail holders (totally understandable, they just fall out sometimes)
  • Vomit (very unfortunate if you're an emetophobe like me)
  • Feces - human and otherwise

By far the most random thing I've ever seen while running was...
A live parakeet. I shit you not. Image result for parakeet
I live in Colorado and as far as I know, parakeets are not indigenous to this part of the world. My guess is this little guy escaped and was just having a little walk in the sunshine before he got eaten by a large hawk or mountain lion.
I have yet to find a dead human body (and I feel cheated because apparently runners are the ones who always find dead bodies), although I have found dead raccoons, cats, squirrels, deer and snakes (I prefer my snakes dead, so that's good).
Stuff on the road tells a story, people! Are you listening?
Enough about me. Tell me what the most random thing is you've found when running? 
SUAR


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