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When I disclose that I hear voices, the looks I receive are somewhat comical, while some are intrigued to learn more, others appear to have had an ice pick shoved up their arse as they stand frozen to the spot with a look of sheer horror written across their face.
So what is it like to hear voices? It’s difficult to explain to somebody who has never heard them and I assume that it is not the same experience for everyone who can hear voices.
First of all hearing voices is not a mental health illness; it’s a symptom of a mental health illness and in my case cyclothymic disorder (Bipolar to those who are thinking what is that ).
When I first starting hearing voices I was terrified, confused and frustrated and yes I thought I had gone crazy, more crazier than normal. It has now become part of what and who I am, they have lessened and for me personally they are triggered by sleep deprivation or when I am over stressed or extremely anxious.
I have good and bad voices, oh yes I have a few different ones up there chattering away in my head like they belong there, they pop in from time to time for a cuppa and a chat and then they go. I used to spend hours trying to listen to them but they never made sense, unless they spoke direct to me and to be honest it was always the same evil one each time.
I don’t believe the evil voice was is a voice at all, it is not like the others, this is my own voice of feelings that I harbor away, I believe this voice is my own trying to speak out.
Have you ever had the feeling that someone has just shouted your name and you trun around to find nobody there? It’s rather like that.
“Are the voices inside or outside of your head” was the constant question asked to me from the shrink.
I had no flipping idea what the hell this mad man was talking about. I was hearing god damn voices and I was freaking out big time, yet this weirdo was more concerned about inside and outside, the fact was they were there and I wanted them gone.
I have learned to accept the voices; they do still come but as described not as often as in the past. If they do come then it’s mainly at night and yes they do keep me awake, I find it hard to sleep or they can wake me with their constant noise.
“It’s like there are 10 people in the next room to me all talking at once, I can hear the muffled noises and make out the odd word but I have no idea what they are really saying” is how I described it to my CPN.
I have marched into the kids bedroom in the middle of the night after being woken by laughter, to find they are fast asleep, so the voices in my head like to laugh too.
I also suffer from images and thoughts but these are mainly from my past and it’s as if you’re having a nightmare yet I am awake and seeing it, I cannot wake up, I have to wait for it to pass. It’s scary; there are no other words and not an area I want to delve into in this post.
Hearing voices is very disturbing, it’s not easy to learn to live with and it scared the crap out of my husband when I finally plucked up the courage to tell him, it came after he realised I could see things and people that nobody else could, I guess the hearing voices didn’t seem that crazy after that.
I take a rather high potent of medication yet still the voices are there at times.
I have yet to meet another voice hearer and would love too, I guess it not something many talk about for fear of people thinking I am crazy, but hey if you’re reading my blog you will know hearing voices is a tamer part to who I am.