So just to let you know that I won't get to post over the next couple
We are going to see my uncle who lives up north
I remember the last time I was there
I weighed considerably less
I remember standing on the scales in his sitting room
In the early morning before anyone got up
That was April
Here's what I looked like back then
The one thing that is very annoying about weight re-gain
Is that I have so many lovely clothes that don't fit me anymore
The leather jacket seen in these photos
I can't close it anymore
The leggings I can barely get in to
But yet, I keep them
I can't bear to get rid of them yet
Some would say that is very telling
That maybe I am hoping that I will fit in to them again some day
I can't lie
There is a very small part of me that hankers to be that size again
Being able to wear anything that I wanted
But the price I paid for that was too high
And I have to remember that
I am going to my uncle's house tomorrow a different person
The last time I saw my uncle
He had brought 400 cigarettes back from Turkey for me
I am now a non smoker (67 days smoke free today!)
I was a very ill person
I remember when I was last in my uncle's house
I obsessed with buying a certain brand of crisps
He must have thought that I was nuts
I couldn't walk buy a shop without nipping in to get crisps
I am a lot more stable now
My mood
My anxiety
It has all improved
I am more present
I can actually sit and have a conversation with somebody now
I have a voice
My confidence has soared
I feel capable and able
I feel I can deal with what life throws at me
So yes
Things have changed a lot
And for the better
I am grateful to have a chance to be happy again
To be well
Because there is nothing more important than our health
Including our mental health
All the rest will come and go
But if we don't have our health we have nothing
I know some people would argue that I am not in recovery at all
That I am a functioning bulimic
And maybe I am
Maybe I am kidding myself
I don't know
All I know is that I feel better
I look better
And you can't argue with that
Anyway
I am off to bring the dogs to the kennels
They will not be impressed
But it's only for a couple of days
Then I'm off for a swim
Before heading away for the weekend
See you on the next post........
